Comments - Devils Advocate

Search stories, writers or societies

Show More Tags

Continue ReadingClear All

What Others Are ReadingRefresh

See more results for ""

Never miss what's happening on Penana!

Turn on notifications

Later

Mahnoor

OMG!! the best scene was when Jeremy said " U can't even speak to me right now"! I was like WTH is happening. I must say this story has best suspense and mystery.....

2 years agoReply

Bubblegumgabber

Thank you so much! I really wanted to capture the shift in tone i appreciate the read! 🍬🍬🍬🍬

2 years agoReply

Blank_thought

Amazing first chapter! You painted such a vibrant, almost cinematic picture, (felt like I was right there in the middle of it all) and Jeremy's transformation? Nice!
Now, I'm no expert writer like you, but there were a couple of things I think could be tweaked a bit:
-In the heat of the action, the dialogue got a tad confusing. Clarifying who's saying what could make it even better.-The chapter did feel a bit on the longer side. Trimming it down a bit could help keep the pace up.

But hey, I'm seriously hooked by the end! Eagerly waiting to see where this goes next. Overall, you're doing an amazing job , keep rocking it!

2 years agoReply

Bubblegumgabber

Thank You so so much! I do feel its a bit on the longer side i was wondering how i would cut it down a bit, but im glad you liked it overall! Im no expert and ill make sure the conversation flows better i have a hard time with diolog in general. 🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬

2 years agoReply

Back to Story