Most of the writing is in lines... With no spacing, so it gets rather hard to read, so some structure would do nicely.

And no offence but it seems much more of a fictional ranting to me. There are many questions, and it doesn't really make the story as understandable as other writing pieces.

Basically, What I'm tryin' to say is; add spacing between your paragraphs. (The way I'm commenting is what kind of spacing I mean ;vv) The spaces make your paragraphs easier to read. It's much more efficient, 'cus you can't double space on Penana. Also, maybe add a bit more plot and less dialogue.

~Kitty