Now that it's rewritten, I gotta say that it's better than the previous one :D

This seems like an interesting story! One thing though, it kinda sound to me like although Abe suddenly had a thought of offering something to her, it seemed like he was eager to save her (that's just the impression that I get from the dialogue) but the reason is not yet clear (like why does he want to do that out of the blue?)

What I mean is it sounded quite rushed on his part when he offered to save her and be his partner or suffer. Maybe it feels a bit odd when I read it (not really a big deal though so no worries I guess). That aside, I think the description of the story flows pretty well. Keep it up :)