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文字真的滿容易看出端倪的@.@…
裁剪後，詩度就增加了，不錯～
妳這首詩用了很多「如」，這是明喻，以後寫詩可以試試暗喻，會有不同樣貌。
https://topick.hket.com/article/2817990
https://blog.udn.com/cm3c/793923
可以參考一下。
有些參賽作者，誤把十行詩當成大容量的載體，它只是小手袋，不是帳篷。