First off- interesting.... I like how you did it with the different point of views. ;)


Second- there is some swearing in here. Sorry, but could I ask you to take it out? I think there were 3 different times.....

Third- I do like this entry, but it is only a scene. The competition was to come up with a whole storyline that could be written into a book or made into a movie. What happens after this? Is this where the story starts? What kind of personalities do the characters have?


Beyond that, great work! <3 <3