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Good character-building in this chapter. I would have liked to have seen some of the details of the contract explained, but regardless, the contract served as a great vehicle for the two to reveal more about their personalities. I liked that you had Adam show some reservations about the deal, which I felt was needed. Good job.

I also suggested some small edits to help readability. There was a dialog exchange where I got confused about who was talking because you broke up one of Aurora's dialogs into two separate lines which made me think Adam was the one speaking despite it still being Aurora.

1 year agoReply

Saurna

Thanks. I was undecided about going into detail with the contract. But I definitely will consider it later.

Is that the part where Adam wonders whether kids can go to jail?

1 year agoReply

@Saurna, Yes. It's fair to assume that children his age might be concerned about that. I remember when I was that young, forging my mother's signature on a permission slip in school to go see a movie I knew my parents wouldn't approve of. When I was found out, I panicked because I knew forgery was considered a crime, and I seriously thought I was going to go to jail. Sure, an adult might not be as concerned about it, but a ten-year-old who doesn't know any better would be. It's just an extra detail that reminds the reader that Chase/Adam is still just a child.

1 year agoReply

Saurna

@Jay Ellis, yes!

1 year agoReply

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