No Plagiarism!nRFRauYnJocsbLQ7pDIUposted on PENANA 此作者的畫面感以及震撼感的渲染做得十分到位。8964 copyright protection549PENANAiKznG3mQf2 維尼
所以……這是超級賽亞人嗎?8964 copyright protection549PENANAsyFyYJjxSb 維尼
三階頭髮會變長?553Please respect copyright.PENANApM3vABmfrW
553Please respect copyright.PENANAYpH11ei80O
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「喝…….喝啊!」8964 copyright protection549PENANActzPVJDqu6 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAXw5yTlT0uk
8964 copyright protection549PENANAMI8Js9nr33 維尼
不是,我喜歡拳拳到肉的快感。8964 copyright protection549PENANAWsaUIIBlBB 維尼
但你是拳拳到拳。8964 copyright protection549PENANAiWiWTJzivs 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAmPDfAHBwBH
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每一下,男主角都去接,沒有怎麼受傷。8964 copyright protection549PENANAuXJ9qc2bAU 維尼
只有巨人縮小至兩米時,被轟飛的那一下。8964 copyright protection549PENANAC9l10RY0C5 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAxA86cU3FVq
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簡單來說就是一部龍傲天作品,並且對話帶點中二的感覺。8964 copyright protection549PENANAAwgjV7IuYr 維尼
可能是我有一點年紀了,並不是那麼喜歡中二的感覺,抱歉,不吃這套。8964 copyright protection549PENANA3lRUlGESWd 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAYyZg0Lg9ft
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像開頭所說的,戰鬥的畫面感有到,但主角好像什麼事都沒有一樣,所以男主角一階可以打二階?553Please respect copyright.PENANAGHP8vgb9nn
553Please respect copyright.PENANA67OaeLFhi5
8964 copyright protection549PENANAh8WYzsQ7F3 維尼
戰鬥模式建議改善,我目前看到的都是拳拳到拳,只有巨人被揍到吐血,好歹也讓男主擦個臉頰破皮吧,請給阿諾斯一個面子,謝謝。8964 copyright protection549PENANAVQ4GWqhkGB 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANA4G9xwAJMRX
8964 copyright protection549PENANACgLseOCtkN 維尼
章節的長度問題,在留言區的時候你有跟我提醒了,我不會噴。8964 copyright protection549PENANA1tNThmL1yB 維尼
只是我個人看不慣這樣而已,是否改善就看個人。8964 copyright protection549PENANAB1uiwIsnZM 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAfzr714t7nz
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再來全文一萬六千字,你讓我全看男主角一直在跟巨人族打架?8964 copyright protection549PENANAavjxVTk20p 維尼
你有沒有搞錯?8964 copyright protection549PENANA2unrxwA5Qq 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANA061QCvGsnb
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一直打同一個人就算了,還打不到臉,最可笑的是艾倫的衣服還會自己修好。8964 copyright protection549PENANAJSaLCztytS 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAnTUUIX1x1O
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我看這個巨人王阿諾斯真的還是回家種田好了,一點敵人的感覺都沒有,戰鬥感有,但刺激感?553Please respect copyright.PENANAOTGpDZdsxf
553Please respect copyright.PENANAUC00c6XUhh
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可以很明白的跟你說,完全沒有。8964 copyright protection549PENANAiv6Vu6AcaY 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAQmiVNSGWR5
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「我能看到的就是主角開掛般一階幹二階。」8964 copyright protection549PENANAV9LYoUyo1x 維尼
天啊,我發自內心的想讓主角受一點傷,留一點點血吧……8964 copyright protection549PENANAMugbnFaEef 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAyOFXh53FpM
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一萬六千字全都給我開掛,還全都給我打同一個種田仔,完全就是在跟我開玩笑。8964 copyright protection549PENANASdU6K29DsR 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAuYCU0Tx00E
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在看完第一章結尾後,男主角說要「重新開打」,你他媽還要讓我繼續看這龍傲天VS種田仔。553Please respect copyright.PENANAMdg6kfFiPL
553Please respect copyright.PENANAhXYTHtwpgO
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說實話,我看不下去,抱歉。8964 copyright protection549PENANAIuNcPL3x9X 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANALxBWjgWByl
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好歹你也跑一下劇情,做做樣子也好,讀者才不會看的那麼膩。8964 copyright protection549PENANAEJuCxDSmxk 維尼
看得出來你會切換視角,為什麼不穿插個支線跑來給我們看,至少讓我緩緩龍傲天跟種田仔的戰鬥尷尬氛圍。8964 copyright protection549PENANALU8K5grZza 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAOEsnCm2u7g
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雖然我噴了那麼多,但該稱讚的我不會審略掉,文筆真的不錯,非常具有畫面感跟史詩般的震撼感,這點是你非常大的優點!8964 copyright protection549PENANA8R81rtFqKA 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAiBD40l7URV
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要記住,在一則故事中,需要有起承轉合。8964 copyright protection549PENANAKqBXZIUa5b 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANA168uuZLqiS
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序章就是一路碾,實在看不出何來起承轉合,你這是叫起飛。8964 copyright protection549PENANAahkSJXi1o0 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANATH6m2s7pLs
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明白我的意思嗎?8964 copyright protection549PENANA8Y8JU6GywS 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAOwTO4ueivT
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評語心得:553Please respect copyright.PENANAA0E4bOyR8U
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1. 故事設定的還算不錯,但總體有點過於中二與自我,8964 copyright protection549PENANAZ3uLRnqLaE 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAGdDSUPDAWb
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2. 簡介打得很棒,有明確吻合主題內容。8964 copyright protection549PENANAC1KFOOeYWk 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAKQOvGKUAup
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3. 我每一篇都要講一下序章的用途,實在是有一點懶,序章主要是用簡短的文字去概要整體故事跟世界觀,又或者是作者想在這部作品裡表達的深層涵義。8964 copyright protection549PENANAb9sqTphTtv 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAChvQUMvUBJ
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4. 節奏拿捏的太長,一直欺負人家種田的,艾倫還是不是人?能不能節奏快點?8964 copyright protection549PENANAoQWv1cgtjg 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANA0ABXwxWPS1
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5.龍傲天作品沒有不好,也是有許多非常優秀的作品,但我個人不是那麼喜歡龍傲天而已。8964 copyright protection549PENANAva1kRxhXSF 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANAkdmskQXe9L
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總分:50553Please respect copyright.PENANAIOwuJO8jvJ
553Please respect copyright.PENANAuQL3IeBWmG
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如果作者能把打種田仔的節奏拉快,且不要拳拳到拳的尷尬感的話,相信我。8964 copyright protection549PENANA3LpD2J3miD 維尼
你的作品會更加的優秀!8964 copyright protection549PENANAhbT731piQx 維尼
因為你本身就具有寫出壯闊史詩感的流暢文筆,如果上述的缺點加以補正,我相信這部作品就可以稱得上是佳作了。 8964 copyright protection549PENANA4jMPyn1HY0 維尼
553Please respect copyright.PENANARPnu6qciQI
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