我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsmKMrdP5x
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1souWkYktK
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nhOP2TSV1
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W9QRddMQ6
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ktPoujzhm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOSN3ntdyC
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm5qdy4akb
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujUhQbZsJg
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo87tNHJ48G
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5Pzy2qBZM
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8aVt8lpjZ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9lykXMulu
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7O1l211BG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbHVbT8Tik
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrftgtDOuGo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwSXfIRwe5
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NNZhLpPFX
熬夜……對，我的錯。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyGMlHg0Ck
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjlKrsShJG
的“林布蘭特”？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2R2HHMf6Xj
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHH130mHI4
吸了……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcvPdqPVeY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qDIClq6uk
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRk9rX5fRW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEdDh6Q1St
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1jhPYpNPe
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMitUbFbIGD
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeoIputoUJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsO9U0DqVg
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKdd8cMQAy
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdTWbidQI6
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMYhcscZaJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP93wKAXGT
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNy1zgI1gw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PPt6DK2wV
怎麼辦？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo9viDaSJO
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy40CLb3kax
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeGVLU6VXd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGRluGMCh0
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXUA49VOJE
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I1kioM6cz
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn9XDB6Sju
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOZaMt3CBN
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3VmF7gvn4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv0q1U5isj
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4ClTufJqP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PLe9MFUcO
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqryUBgYKT
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57rpvyQ6mn
「下跪道歉」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITnQJg8dRz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K9mIgbelr
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzDSDRc9pB
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7hgvCurHn
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL5S5JjSqi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyPwkNCUNH
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxkBTsv0TG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgPSorMTdM
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBuPLlq3Gz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZ0tRjJhS4
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPMZQiJWQf
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujmnAXXTnN
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiqxMQk0tM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCMEOW7PZw
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNor1H2F6aa
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJxIopOPlN
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ816B2bzMDf
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWDd72yMjO
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZdA3TfnEs
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZeVv19wko
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84HZ2mYh9r
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBxrAxoNUo
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmveb80CUtQ
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllkOGhUcQE
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GgjwvEAZ8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhSSH7p1CL
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhZR6GWKHQ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0x2U3hoMc
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJookYzWART
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCEwVrykx1
「媽」…唉…又來了…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0vTmYsxun
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgbtaQAKiz
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzE1U6qqsBm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMqiI4Qb9X
咦…不對……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUsrqr1cBr
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38uUME8JDM
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EbT8mLAaW
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0SY3JvUpE
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQz5dDwTzm6
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gfgKi2eCQ
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK22vZzGKwY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMYm9GFJ1c
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKydiUZIvB9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0aAlRHDl7
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7Y2fAqmuH
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yjDCmONxG
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHh97iLZkEO
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9RQWCledq
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAsFmzKPE0
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvaCLPI2Fu
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjg8KRk730
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVpUqfS5kw
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qHBmvqX5P
　　580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxIuvh4AOY
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDA51g1rLL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLZzrK3rJL
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55GbrKWwcj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99kQDNS02r
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswqx5QBexW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SILkXK8Aa
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2KSoSZRGb
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKH4O6i3I9
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cW4zwGZOb
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRGVi2oY8y
退不得，那就跑吧！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJSXREfjiQ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAGvAawbRm
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBeRoSCJmo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPkBoOgoBv
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHF3joat8K
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYY9gCX0gM
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。