some homeschooler's blog - things I heard/said

My teachers in online class:

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Dude: "Bro you kind of look like the teacher."

Teacher: "No that's unacceptable...You can take over the lesson from here."

"Everyone please use your real names in the Kahoot so I can mark you for attendance...Wait who is cocomelon?"

"If at least half of you finish the assignment by tonight, I'll buy a guitar next week and sing Careless Whisper."

"Every single year! Every single year when we choose a class anthem Never Gonna Give You Up always wins!"

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Wait I can explain-

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"I want to turn you into a chicken nugget."

"That is not a jellyfish. It's a flat purple pancake."

"Did you just quote our English teacher? That was kinda hot."

"You're under arrest for the murder of an innocent orange blob."

"Stop kicking yourself in the balls and get your damn face off the carpet!"

Him: "Do you want my chicken sandwich?"

Me: "Sure."

Him: "I coughed on it and licked it though."

Me: "Give it to me."

Him: "I- but my molecules are on that sandwich-"

Me: "I said give it to me."

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Yeah I got nothing to say for this one:

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"You won't believe me but I think there was a raccoon following me to the bathroom...Wait that was your dog?"

"I started screaming without the s when I read that."

"Will you date me? Make your heart beat if yes, recite all the digits of pi if no."

"I drink apple cider vinegar on a daily basis....the elegance."

"Hent...Henton's potato salad."

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