隨筆 - 《煩惱》

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她有一個煩惱，一個不能告訴別人的煩惱。她，懷孕了。這是一個天大的秘密，十四歲的她為此感到煩惱。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin8PRY5bsd
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女人的天性對懷孕的事特別敏感，直覺特別準，即使小女孩也不例外。久久不來的月事，突然的身體不適，異樣的噁心感，種種跡象都讓她有不安的預感。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsyVR1QHKB
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偷偷拜托相熟的學姐去買驗孕棒，跑到洗手間一驗，證實了她的恐懼。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXi6qHvr34
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她不敢告訴別人。告訴學姐？學姐是有名的大嘴巴，絕對不能告訴她。跟她的小男朋友說？不行，絕對會分手的，她不要失去他。向父母認錯？說笑，她那守舊的父親會打死她。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zHORhcCIV
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沒辦法只能獨自一人面對這個煩惱。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiZGJvySF8
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隨著時日過去，這個煩惱愈長愈大，她只好在大熱天也穿上厚厚的毛衣，回到家就窩在房間不出來，連生病了也不敢看醫生，怕懷孕的事被揭穿。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7ukgupqEM
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終於有一晚，她被迫正視這個煩惱了。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnJpUYVQTV
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腹痛一陣一陣地襲來，她忍著痛在床上苦等家人去睡。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWLLcTHjH9
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終於聽到熟睡的呼吸聲，她躡手躡腳爬下床，小跑步到洗手間。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1vU2sCIIQ
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生產過程是很痛苦的，尤其對於一個只有十四歲的身體來說更是難過。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBonVQsDGJ
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孩子出世了，可能由於早產加上營養不足，小生命很輕，很弱小，彷彿只要圈著他的手一勒就會碎的脆弱樣子。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Q4l9YBpYN
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她瞪著正在發出微弱嗚嗚聲的孩子。「好醜。」她小聲說。電視上的寶寶不都是胖胖的很可愛嗎？怎麼她的孩子這麼醜？小小的，瘦弱的，五官都擠在一起，小小的咽喉還像小貓一樣嗚咽。她厭惡地想。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M8cSWBr33
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真煩人，這個小麻煩。她皺著眉，想著。被人知道我懷孕的話會連累到他的，他會被控告，而我會被歧視。真麻煩啊，這個讓我煩惱的根源。她像看到甚麼噁心的東西，把視線從孩子身上移開，剛好瞟到洗手間的窗。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wN1bFFxv6
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她歪頭一笑，對著孩子說：「我現在就解決煩惱。」提著孩子的手伸出窗外，冷冷的風和突然的懸空感讓孩子不安舞動無力的四肢，一雙小手像是努力抓回她那迅速流走的良知般，一開一合。喉嚨傳出微弱的尖叫聲。真刺耳。她冷冷地鬆開手，聽著風中傳來微微的貓哭叫聲，然後，隨著一聲物體墜地聲，夜裡回復平靜，只剩冷風在夜中哭泣。530Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8I2koW7Tn
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困擾幾個月的煩惱終於沒了。她伸了伸懶腰，一邊抱怨著衣服沾上了血漬，一邊幻想著明天的約會，都是那小麻煩的錯，明天起床定會有黑眼圈了。她煩惱地爬回床上。

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