【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0BziFdJlL
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI1sRkCFYZ
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKTAEe67au
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZGxaOVeII
感謝參與～161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsf7ZaHtzHv
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdEXo7IH73
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwhN0qkXNE
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycbo9Wm2xP
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqAXUMJEtw
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvDDaogD6U
～～～～分隔線～～～～161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpqWZST35p
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBTmDilGfA
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCo8zpVqe8
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtQLwGWuOg
〈限制和自由〉161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMUsCiduRP
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O10md2k6z
penana.com/article/1024895161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zg57WSZ4s
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguurWMZPAc
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZ4yldcAAa
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhc6rqJATb
詩度 0。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzltRolFdGO
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtubKudyd6H
～～～～分隔線～～～～161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaFJcSYDeO
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHWuaBNFc0
〈問〉161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTV22fNTH9
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWsHdPzb0S
penana.com/article/1024944161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf87RVgyyWq
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ10W4KUsI6
詩度高一點。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpOgV7jPCe
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKaMGfdM0I
～～～～分隔線～～～～161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡed2UYuqh8o
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fnMUD3GIV
〈摩天之輪〉161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7KfdkRzg7
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxThPvq7pJ
penana.com/article/1045705161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURBCkX4fST
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbejt5eIbjI
詩度再高一點。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyrCX5mHVG
～～～～分隔線～～～～
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY6JkRmd1l
〈蝴蝶酥〉161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGLYe1C07n
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYCsic1jxh
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgxK3oW3pB
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdn90pM1PD
詩度比前三首都高。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QBBVTpdF9
～～～～分隔線～～～～
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRq3ZMOZYZ
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV73G4wA17
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuCiqPGEuM
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEQrQDdpfH
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45gmzEsMpi
跟你分享。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mUZRBzi2P
～～～～分隔線～～～～
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMCJTIXJoK
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sdNYmjS1B
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZhtJYovIp
【認識新詩的基本元素】161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWt7ynU58i2
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmedxFuBhAx
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5WZxLcQBO
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOlTMom1Zs
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S42oIethn
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlCDWriM0I
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s3tj9Gssw
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh04ldYbUqE
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLX8RfOJgOv
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudfKolS620
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebEEpe6drF
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30u84gIPAS
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6Rf3PGtyI
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fVCftO1LB
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexj6Fqxu1W
【這次全新寫的感想】
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEY0w9G2dns
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nDkMlO77K
〈詠栗〉
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2K7WZuHUEH
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWgt8KsNpx
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHLZn2gfNc
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8Rk1ril93
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSCtIbVL4G
如果寫成
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQeGKU2Ru9
〈詠栗〉
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY30nFT5aUC
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwuCo3VRRj
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaXUpbn46o
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHOmdVE3LS
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtf6CAXf9r
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfqHYmDdLI
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDTIrapz4t
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
ns216.73.216.225da2
and then Add to home screen.