立鏡前翻好領子,拍兩下外套上不存在的皺褶,拿好包,穿上皮鞋,出門上班。
夜幕高掛,連街上路燈都靜下來,開門,鑰匙掛好牆上,脫下皮鞋,穿著襪子進入舒適圈前一步,習慣地在看一眼立鏡前的自己。
「死氣沉沉的灰色。」嗤之以鼻地輕語。
「不是單純地討厭這顏色,嗯,第一次穿正裝的時候還是挺興奮的,屁孩一個,像剛嘗到地一口菸的毛頭小子、第一次打耳洞的中二少年,覺得人都因為自己的蠢蛋舉動而昇華了一樣。」
雙手不曾因自言自語而停下,已經撩起的袖子,俐落地處理食材,撕掉超市打折的吊牌,蔬菜洗淨、切塊,白飯塞進微波爐後,扭動瓦斯爐的控制鈕,藍橘色的文火上架上炒鍋,滋滋地炒菜、加入肉片,帶食材都炒熟,裝上白瓷的盤子,取出加熱完成的白飯,托著食具、隨意地叼著筷子,將晚餐放上茶几後便盤腿席地而坐。
終於可以坐下,靜下來,似乎整個家都變得少了活氣,掛在衣架的西裝外套,燈心絨的面料,不突兀,是在路上會讓人不禁覺得自家衣櫃好像似曾相識的感覺。
「從灰色燈心絨料質的西裝開始,三年後我買了下了背後這張灰色布面的沙發,再半年是黑色敞亮的茶几,再之後是白色磁磚的地面,曾幾何時,三十年的舊屋變成我理想中鄉的模樣。」
160Please respect copyright.PENANAQgasBfS8Yh
只有,這個理想裡,有個異物。
是什麼時候出現的呢?大概,是我剛搬來的時候。
她也不是一直在,第一次的相遇,不會忘記,是在陽台。是個陰天,烏雲密佈,卻怎麼都沒下雨,濕氣讓舊屋潮濕得難以忍受,那天我剛好休假,無奈之下正想去陽台透氣。
一個毛茸茸蹲著的背影,一米的圍欄一半不到,以為是鄰居小孩正打算搭話,那一團站了起來,身高只比圍欄高一個頭。些許是意識到自己,她雙手插兜,回眸。
她並非濃妝艷抹,但叼著香煙的手,塗著亮眼的指彩,眉尾的眉釘仍然宣示著與我不同的換日線。
她兩指夾著離嘴的菸,吐出的煙霧裡,她輕快地說:「你好呀,天氣真好,是吧。」
「呃,這天氣隨便問一個人都不會說是好天氣吧?」
然,滿頭的疑問沒有忘記保護自己的本能,故,我沒有針對她的發言提出質疑。
嬌小的少女,打個噴嚏,拉好外套,毛外套顯得寬鬆可愛,裡頭橙色的毛衣像火焰,襯得面容朝氣蓬勃。
從那匆匆一撇,似是種下不解的緣,不只一次在陽台遇上吞雲吐霧的她,只要是陰天,她似乎都在。鮮明如她,橙色、黃色、綠色,有時也染上跳色的頭髮,意外發現連眉釘有時也換成金色、粉金色。
她說:「我叫瑤,聽是美玉、光明的意思。」
一個月裡四五次陽台偶遇,瑤遠比我第一印象的要博學,大約是頭腦很好的那類人。
漫無目的的有搭沒搭的對話,像菸上忽明忽滅的星火,我的收獲是一堆不需要的知識,她身上濃濃的中二不良風,卻個性意外地好相處;瑤她說想去南極生定居,但是似乎對極光沒什麼興趣;她絕對是個老菸槍,明明都抽一樣的菸,但卻還是會被菸嗆到;她不愛吃魚,可是很會用筷子,可以分出香魚的解剖圖的程度;她似乎至少35歲了,但是外觀卻像少女,縱軸、橫軸都是。
總之,瑤是個有很大反差的人,什麼發言都不會讓我意外了。
160Please respect copyright.PENANALYuJ3LF4Re
一天,瑤說:「很多動物的毛皮都是灰色的,像狼、哈士奇、企鵝,看到牠們蓬鬆的毛皮就有種很溫暖的感覺。你說,你覺得灰色是暖色還是冷色?」
看著似乎認真地思考著的瑤,我不由自主地憶起想了會,答道:「應該是冷色吧,讓人感到沉穩的顏色。」
「你是說灰色是很讓人安心的顏色,不過比起寒冷,溫暖的感覺應該更能讓人覺得有安全感。」
輕敲菸頭,大塊的煙灰被抖下,可以看到瑤抿著的菸一下短了好大一節,直到她抽完整支菸,原本以為她會發表更多見解,然,她只是一下下滾動喉頭,專注地吞著灰茫茫的雲。
菸蒂被按在她陽台的琉璃盤。
她噘嘴,向著陰鬱的天空吐出一個個完美的煙圈。
很完美的圓。
我不禁跟著她的目光,看著小小的圈,逐漸飄遠,逐漸擴大,直到被微弱的風吹散,連影都找不到。
因為注意力被煙圈吸引,我沒看到瑤一瞬間變得空洞的眼神。
瑤最終說:「其實顏色中黑、白、灰色屬於中性色,可以應用在任何的冷暖色系,增添調色給人的感觸、白些凸顯輕盈、暗些增添踏實、亮些顯得熱情、暗些顯得靜默、光明象徵積極、夜幕藏著頹唐。」
瑤開心地笑著,像個小孩,摸摸髮上糖果色的發卡,要喝地伸個懶腰,就像曬飽太陽的貓,全身無不舒坦。
「我回啦,掰掰。」
剩下自己在陽台,吹吹風,思緒隨意延伸、發散。
我的藝術細胞沒那麼好,只有看著舒服與否的差別。中性色,白點就會輕盈,黑點就是沉重,白色和黑色就像是一個象限的兩個極端,而這個世界裡有多少事情可以用極端以解釋得通?
茫茫人海,純粹的神早就已離去,留下的,大概就是擁擠的,無所是從的灰色的世界。
灰色於我,是我隱身於人群的毛皮,頂著日出去上班,再披著夜色回家。不顯眼也不隨便,連悲喜都顯得無足輕重,適合渺小在這個社會裡的我。
之後,我都沒再見到瑤。雖然是萍水相逢,除了她叫瑤外一無所知,更是除了陽台,我沒在小區其他和她相遇過。
依然上班、下班,忙碌、疲憊、但也充實著自己,空蕩蕩的屋子添上茶几、沙發、電視、多肉植物、也很少的偶爾置放一些鮮花、擺飾。
電視螢幕裡喋喋不休的播報,白熾燈泡死白的照明,茶几上的殘羹為死寂的空間點上了人間煙火味。
或許,染上灰色是生存下去的必然,在這世界底下打滾,怎麼能保持純粹的黑白,灰色的毛皮與自己早已無法分割,灰色是中性色,離我而去的信仰,也留給我嘗試點染這個世界的自由。
160Please respect copyright.PENANA5n97snrdwE
160Please respect copyright.PENANATySOwwF4Mk
160Please respect copyright.PENANAeVczA2fNPy
160Please respect copyright.PENANA5SPcO8osk1
160Please respect copyright.PENANAPW5w0tp9Ib
160Please respect copyright.PENANAxkgnZbCeFh
160Please respect copyright.PENANAfLJ7uWaKlu
160Please respect copyright.PENANAwgmmCUru4G
160Please respect copyright.PENANAcP8kPFUIsb
160Please respect copyright.PENANAfpVIYtMala
160Please respect copyright.PENANAmFusc0a8L0
160Please respect copyright.PENANA9xO5yNusLK
160Please respect copyright.PENANAt4VZ9kPCGG
160Please respect copyright.PENANADKKyYlwl1u
160Please respect copyright.PENANAfcWJuxfxbe
160Please respect copyright.PENANAHF7Usb6e9G
160Please respect copyright.PENANASbj1x7FV2h
160Please respect copyright.PENANAFrS6HGQVMv
160Please respect copyright.PENANAvCB2kMT0BC
160Please respect copyright.PENANAXORyveBl0w
160Please respect copyright.PENANAF7GcI8isMN
160Please respect copyright.PENANAbXZX0zeQuj
160Please respect copyright.PENANAeYPfhVS8GA
160Please respect copyright.PENANADZZcqcb2ch
160Please respect copyright.PENANAzXY8dV3FW5
160Please respect copyright.PENANAKg6PCbLwjP
160Please respect copyright.PENANAawqzBYYDSR
160Please respect copyright.PENANAMhFBtkPU51
160Please respect copyright.PENANAgv9AQux2ih
160Please respect copyright.PENANATYaZmRdjB0
160Please respect copyright.PENANAwDqTDML1wv
160Please respect copyright.PENANA9IBIuBQvWq
160Please respect copyright.PENANAjkutCfTXwe
160Please respect copyright.PENANAePIp9FbtGA
160Please respect copyright.PENANAecfkSUQlgU
160Please respect copyright.PENANAsiOm7oKP2v
160Please respect copyright.PENANAW0SGQ5mV6S
160Please respect copyright.PENANA8OWjsREFBo
160Please respect copyright.PENANAcXlg4LKvbY
160Please respect copyright.PENANAsi2ApOWATm
160Please respect copyright.PENANAqL48YVsJt0
160Please respect copyright.PENANAphE3F0xMiy
160Please respect copyright.PENANA591UToqJWN
160Please respect copyright.PENANALsfEVW3E3F
160Please respect copyright.PENANApsbngCf22z
160Please respect copyright.PENANAG1Cgudazyb
160Please respect copyright.PENANASXrHQt3ELU
160Please respect copyright.PENANAHjrO9pCLl7
160Please respect copyright.PENANAY2tVpvziZK
160Please respect copyright.PENANAObhydHKuf7
160Please respect copyright.PENANAX0FdtSFBYz
160Please respect copyright.PENANAzr0qAXHI8G
160Please respect copyright.PENANAVXWhpM8D3S
160Please respect copyright.PENANAAYjrNySLNO
160Please respect copyright.PENANABefaTrTeUI
160Please respect copyright.PENANAIJphrMQSO9
160Please respect copyright.PENANAr3I91DmQN6
160Please respect copyright.PENANAKzBFQilOeH
160Please respect copyright.PENANAjcfJYYCDFC
160Please respect copyright.PENANAE9xF4IX54V
160Please respect copyright.PENANAXEK3fvCy2s
160Please respect copyright.PENANAL4bf4j0Xrk
160Please respect copyright.PENANAjuQCDTepv8
160Please respect copyright.PENANAZkN399c2rM
160Please respect copyright.PENANA67CkLxcjJ3
160Please respect copyright.PENANA6yRKiC63Pi
160Please respect copyright.PENANA5ix8yg2Jpm
160Please respect copyright.PENANAgzl59ZSTXZ
160Please respect copyright.PENANAqk7f7Ogh0o
160Please respect copyright.PENANAUUXh0SGV6Y
160Please respect copyright.PENANA55MLRHbxns
160Please respect copyright.PENANAToVfpDJRT0
160Please respect copyright.PENANAieO7uD8ihk
160Please respect copyright.PENANAWz5yssjK0t
160Please respect copyright.PENANAeOCyetKlYF
160Please respect copyright.PENANAiPUmUdBL3E
160Please respect copyright.PENANAVWQvP5zJ1A
160Please respect copyright.PENANAVmiRZFaljF
160Please respect copyright.PENANAGUU46MhYvX
160Please respect copyright.PENANAB9w2F0pUzR
160Please respect copyright.PENANACYUTueSREe
160Please respect copyright.PENANAbeKQn6jnHA
160Please respect copyright.PENANAKIB36JcGXC
160Please respect copyright.PENANArqVp7GwXpq
160Please respect copyright.PENANA9b41YGIbDK
160Please respect copyright.PENANAxkxcjc6j1G
160Please respect copyright.PENANAJVUytBUihI
160Please respect copyright.PENANAQCU2yS4pf9
160Please respect copyright.PENANAaEYeTGvDEv
160Please respect copyright.PENANAMPoYZAGAD9
160Please respect copyright.PENANAdUPTB4oihf
160Please respect copyright.PENANAN8H22U2zSd
160Please respect copyright.PENANAOWJzfDu6oj
160Please respect copyright.PENANAPzoD2g3c2Z
160Please respect copyright.PENANAx96AVBg5F3
160Please respect copyright.PENANAHsj70fDl0u
160Please respect copyright.PENANAAoP8yap3p1
160Please respect copyright.PENANAX8il393aPl
160Please respect copyright.PENANA9XsC33J3nI
160Please respect copyright.PENANA8BAWquSOcL
160Please respect copyright.PENANAgvOnSmgw7f
160Please respect copyright.PENANAClI569R89r
160Please respect copyright.PENANAf8vAuzEpKh
160Please respect copyright.PENANA43T4gU3tIp
160Please respect copyright.PENANALPxSVDDHmR
160Please respect copyright.PENANAbs1bnVtz0o
160Please respect copyright.PENANA9Cmx6WJR5S
160Please respect copyright.PENANA7nh7suN6B6
160Please respect copyright.PENANA3cgN0gCh0C
160Please respect copyright.PENANAQu4Bh9BE5t
160Please respect copyright.PENANA3JIIZx4OgX
160Please respect copyright.PENANAxI9uxrebzg
160Please respect copyright.PENANAys0wfUSDRv
160Please respect copyright.PENANAkpZYflLn5W
160Please respect copyright.PENANAa9HtDUl7Yd
160Please respect copyright.PENANAXIUhJvDDUF
160Please respect copyright.PENANA6JoEFKjklG
160Please respect copyright.PENANAuOTncoHV8s
160Please respect copyright.PENANAw7nH0zIagW
160Please respect copyright.PENANAe1vQk9ewPb
160Please respect copyright.PENANA2VCVIAIFIl
160Please respect copyright.PENANAbhG4THZw8F
160Please respect copyright.PENANAlzw4RHX4JI
160Please respect copyright.PENANAt7DC3LpbEt
160Please respect copyright.PENANAAUbhkd8LNq
160Please respect copyright.PENANAAFzkQyFwGG
160Please respect copyright.PENANAeHWiXJiRuT
160Please respect copyright.PENANAdjOb6sVhPZ
160Please respect copyright.PENANAyE53dDF13m
160Please respect copyright.PENANAcHLVv46bMU
160Please respect copyright.PENANAnTcVvmIEvs
160Please respect copyright.PENANAWoGtP1Jg81
160Please respect copyright.PENANAcDCOrxO9fj
160Please respect copyright.PENANAhhMM2M2kqo
160Please respect copyright.PENANA7C6CK0qDFb
160Please respect copyright.PENANA8Wn6krhnuU
160Please respect copyright.PENANAZtNw2Vbefq
160Please respect copyright.PENANAFoa2n6333H
穿好皮鞋出門,隨手打開信箱裡,是張明信片,土氣的防寒衣裡我就有直覺是她,正包圍著、與最喜歡的企鵝合照。
ns216.73.216.148da2