最近我將涼樹的《王座騎士》讀到最新,接下來會挑一些部分跟大家分享。407Please respect copyright.PENANAusnymtpfiq
407Please respect copyright.PENANA3jYkGvMMeF
407Please respect copyright.PENANAwrKGdxiafB
先從角色說起好了。407Please respect copyright.PENANADlSxdB07ib
407Please respect copyright.PENANALkUdAoIs5r
407Please respect copyright.PENANAxEHxXXKYDM
裡面我比較喜歡,而涼樹也比較認真刻劃的角色很明顯是親王殿下。407Please respect copyright.PENANAAvQU469FD7
407Please respect copyright.PENANAh29AoyBslf
407Please respect copyright.PENANAJ9NfGW9rrJ
明明身為親王,卻有著疑似暴露狂屬性,加上還會在危機時挺身而出,算是裡頭很用心經營的角色。同時,我很喜歡本篇章結束時,女主跟他的互動變化。407Please respect copyright.PENANAKWNfyhH5PF
407Please respect copyright.PENANADLpX60zhpf
407Please respect copyright.PENANAiPkpk5JoIP
但反過來說,其他角色就刻劃得很不明顯,也沒什麼記憶點。407Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2XiT1AfAR
407Please respect copyright.PENANAMsBZPVoFDI
407Please respect copyright.PENANABINqqLxtN9
在劇情主線下,女主角幾乎沒什麼變化(除了本章最後跟親王的互動之外),這點是一大硬傷。407Please respect copyright.PENANA12sI7BQjlG
407Please respect copyright.PENANAynHSC80sun
407Please respect copyright.PENANAjBQtrtYvcX
關於這點,第一篇章因為主角比較抑鬱,所以整篇都維持在這種氛圍之下,因此會比較勸退讀者。407Please respect copyright.PENANADWyjA7TVsd
407Please respect copyright.PENANApUjnrIyfeF
407Please respect copyright.PENANA4IWTU1Bysx
個人認為,本章的重點在於親王挺身而出,保護了御風,讓她稍微敞開心房,因此讓兩人關係改善。不過,在親王救御風時,這個御風的心境變化並未加強刻劃,因此會顯得有些突然,且沒抓到重點的感覺。407Please respect copyright.PENANAZguBMYDcNA
407Please respect copyright.PENANA7GbztLTasm
407Please respect copyright.PENANAqOzfVze2g1
另外,在劇情上,敵對的角色一下子就被撂倒,感覺御風只是稍微露個兩手,對方就招架不住,鋪陳許久,最後一下子就解決事件,有點少了什麼的感覺。407Please respect copyright.PENANASsx4mmBSuE
407Please respect copyright.PENANALEqQKoghGD
407Please respect copyright.PENANADRxi55gIA5
我認為在貓貓這點很有巧思,不過在敵人塑造與劇情設計上,會因為敵人太弱而顯得張力不太足夠。407Please respect copyright.PENANAOaqCy7lsLx
407Please respect copyright.PENANAu26kJ0Jwkc
407Please respect copyright.PENANAwMMQVJ72JR
而在女主角的設計上,真的感覺不出她是女生。給人的感覺就好像抑鬱的青年。407Please respect copyright.PENANAUKCyx3W3UR
407Please respect copyright.PENANA6n3bK4Ar0m
407Please respect copyright.PENANAIS5IOtCzdN
或許可以針對女主角本身可愛的地方多加描述或是設計,當然,她可以個性不好,可以抑鬱,但肯定也有弱點或是可愛的地方。這點真的非常重要。407Please respect copyright.PENANAL6BxcBkGV7
407Please respect copyright.PENANA2pcPgidkYK
407Please respect copyright.PENANAVeQtCQ9Vyw
親王在高貴的身分下,卻是個有著暴露傾向的青年,由於這點是個很大的反差,會讓人有記憶點。407Please respect copyright.PENANA5apmeqknzJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAuzuiqo7L7H
407Please respect copyright.PENANAfPO9AI59V2
而女主角的設計也能從這個思路著手。她可能個性嚴謹,但在某個方面卻沒輒,或是有什麼古怪的堅持或癖好,都是可以發展的點。407Please respect copyright.PENANA3M7kybC814
407Please respect copyright.PENANAHmYNhr9RZj
407Please respect copyright.PENANAwOtgrEzFDE
目前的刻劃下,她比較接近於一個空殼,稍微缺乏了人味。我是這麼認為的。當然,在送玫瑰花那段有所改變,多了點人味是好的。407Please respect copyright.PENANAnuzCAptj0a
407Please respect copyright.PENANAoxVF1uK5mg
407Please respect copyright.PENANA0GiacpDWYQ
而在摯友角色方面也是,雖然從她跟親王的對戲,知道她其實想要保護御風,但在讀者看來,還是缺乏了什麼,因為也缺乏了她跟御風等人對戲的鋪陳、相處橋段。407Please respect copyright.PENANATiegcmNQ8o
407Please respect copyright.PENANAixHcgjnYEM
407Please respect copyright.PENANA3f9NVWGnS6
到下一次見面,他們已經是要託付和送禮,因此會顯得有些突然。讀者沒有跟上這股情緒。另外,當她遺失禮物時,也並未刻劃出焦急的感覺(當然可能是我漏看了),所以會顯得讀者帶入感不足。劇情卻逕自發展下來的感覺。407Please respect copyright.PENANA93ULW2WOoX
407Please respect copyright.PENANAM4ZubR2g8t
407Please respect copyright.PENANAsgIPtXPLBz
然後是世界觀呈現。407Please respect copyright.PENANAYgPdkUE1ve
407Please respect copyright.PENANAanhUlBDmFf
407Please respect copyright.PENANAkLX2UCvueG
在介紹高塔時,我的印象是涼樹利用御風跟親王的對話,來帶出相關介紹。如果有記錯,我先說抱歉。407Please respect copyright.PENANAy88gNQguuJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAPGfq4pWCih
407Please respect copyright.PENANAddjjyBBHcu
利用對話來帶出世界觀是動畫之中常見的鋪陳手法,雖然這個手法也能用,但這多半是用在主角視點不知道世界觀的情況下使用。407Please respect copyright.PENANAhMP8IZCZjU
407Please respect copyright.PENANAMXyr3zBkw8
407Please respect copyright.PENANAYloeg0VicP
倘若主人翁知道這個世界的背景,直接用小說常見的敘述法帶出就可以了。這樣會顯得更加直接,也能顯的比較完整。407Please respect copyright.PENANAkZZCrgvGnX
407Please respect copyright.PENANAwhpDOmJrei
407Please respect copyright.PENANApVhRbb9StI
否則台詞一大堆,卻還是講不清楚,會顯得十分可惜。407Please respect copyright.PENANAvEV10pB7hR
407Please respect copyright.PENANAThR0yfCJcT
407Please respect copyright.PENANAFiVoU23Xwd
而目前的戰鬥,給人的感覺好像是,御風啟動身體的魔法。然後出招。就沒了的感覺。407Please respect copyright.PENANAGonVED3Ia5
407Please respect copyright.PENANAPZlG8sgfsp
407Please respect copyright.PENANAzbEYUMgfua
倘若還不習慣寫戰鬥,可以先從特色著手。起碼把特色作出來。像是她出招時魔力會出現玫瑰的光、身體出現啥紋路,或者召喚出什麼幫助戰鬥的東東,先弄出個特別的東西。407Please respect copyright.PENANAyCiy2ipD3v
407Please respect copyright.PENANABhRtt2zKIB
407Please respect copyright.PENANAQAukiemjAK
搞不好,還能跟貓貓連動,後面出個組合技。407Please respect copyright.PENANAEaWWkFDVye
407Please respect copyright.PENANAkaZLwQut0C
407Please respect copyright.PENANAhhvlFXdZLX
個人認為,倘若要增加整體的爽快感(除了戰鬥鏡頭之外),在劇情設計上可以些微調整。407Please respect copyright.PENANA17OZA2Qfxm
407Please respect copyright.PENANAvXDCOyT1ZC
407Please respect copyright.PENANA5eGdkdEABy
首先,女主角一開始嚴厲反對要成為親王的直屬騎士。理由可以自己想。以此創造劇情的衝突點。然而,儘管女主角不想成為直屬騎士,但在女王的要求下,依然妥協陪同親王出第一次任務。407Please respect copyright.PENANAguFHLidojz
407Please respect copyright.PENANAFdN34JCa3K
407Please respect copyright.PENANAa8Hdwr6A7i
兩人關係超級不好,但是透過這次事件,他們拉近距離。407Please respect copyright.PENANAXAsFd06LPq
407Please respect copyright.PENANAq3CjSzidGG
407Please respect copyright.PENANAJPxk0o0xoc
這樣劇情張力會更大。407Please respect copyright.PENANA3LGSur3Vup
407Please respect copyright.PENANAVFTt1QrGeH
407Please respect copyright.PENANArbCLg3DEpj
而在跟朋友的對戲中,或許兩人曾經有了矛盾,但內心其實很擔心對方。我知道原作中有這類想法,但我覺得可以更加強描寫這點。407Please respect copyright.PENANA8a8mMBp3MX
407Please respect copyright.PENANA3tEDcuh3BR
407Please respect copyright.PENANAb6FpbIMlah
接下來是行文。407Please respect copyright.PENANABFfjZAivpV
407Please respect copyright.PENANApLoLlHdCsi
407Please respect copyright.PENANAESmqVwprIQ
整體而言能知道涼樹想表達什麼。不過有些地方,主要是心境描述,有時會寫得繞來繞去,有時又會缺乏描寫。407Please respect copyright.PENANA9yppjLpJ9F
407Please respect copyright.PENANAZRcxddvwCj
407Please respect copyright.PENANAl1C5zX6OTC
所以可能還得再拿捏一下。407Please respect copyright.PENANADQ7AyrhN3O
407Please respect copyright.PENANAqZKaNaq4FG
407Please respect copyright.PENANACOGHZDndNG
不過,在高塔內設備面板、樓層的描述上十分清晰,這點我很喜歡。407Please respect copyright.PENANAin95mlTIAj
407Please respect copyright.PENANAB9pddiMAUD
407Please respect copyright.PENANAHTeWZloOEe
所以整體而言。就是幾個要點。407Please respect copyright.PENANAUKdblVqNPY
407Please respect copyright.PENANAmsDBMEQMcZ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAngGa1sWLGs
第一,劇情設計上,可以多想想「變化」。從喜歡到不喜歡。從冷淡到熟悉,從結怨到寬恕。這樣的走法才能拉出劇情張力。407Please respect copyright.PENANAMiSqU73hrJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANADFSkKKQvx7
407Please respect copyright.PENANAQJ33y8um2p
第二,角色方面,多利用反差,塑造人味。像是前面舉過親王的例子。女主角可以嚴謹,但或許可能在某個地方脫線,或者對戀愛很遲鈍之類的。其他角色也是按照這樣的邏輯設計。407Please respect copyright.PENANAYsMfix7UMI
407Please respect copyright.PENANA2hs2Jiiplc
407Please respect copyright.PENANA6h8xa5ccxQ
第三,行文上,世界觀倘若是女主角知道的事情,直接敘述出來,或是對話提到時,用描述句補充就行了。不用刻意開一場戲來講世界觀。407Please respect copyright.PENANArSd2X5BDfY
407Please respect copyright.PENANAK4cWPadczC
407Please respect copyright.PENANAXjGQCpuJTt
同時,在心境描寫上,要著重刻劃重點。特別是女主角應該要多講一點。407Please respect copyright.PENANAZfNR643o0W
407Please respect copyright.PENANAQfrcq8jrnE
407Please respect copyright.PENANAujjuCcofdu
以上是我讀完第一篇章的看法。可以參考一下。
407Please respect copyright.PENANApay0PYRWVJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAqA2XeMpKca
下列為後面補記: 407Please respect copyright.PENANAy0i4CG4Pr1
407Please respect copyright.PENANADeY82uu4aF
當我讀到目前的更新,也就是最新的篇章後,我對這部作品老實說是充滿期待的。407Please respect copyright.PENANA6rPtRnQWfc
407Please respect copyright.PENANA2WP6k4OX8U
407Please respect copyright.PENANAGxzGOYtbCG
在作品一開始,抑鬱、內向,對人不敞開內心的騎士御風,因為各個事件,她交到了朋友,有了能並肩同行的夥伴,以及跟過去的因緣達成和解。407Please respect copyright.PENANA1iWv71GqMG
407Please respect copyright.PENANArhqFK94cxG
407Please respect copyright.PENANA4KSprQvvvc
在劇情概念上,我認為涼樹想表達的,正是這種細膩,且不易描繪的情感。407Please respect copyright.PENANA4VBZV1y7nu
407Please respect copyright.PENANAj8uy6vp7CC
407Please respect copyright.PENANAsDRE2AVT8c
而這樣的目標亦是目前的我也無法達到的領域,因此在這方面,我對涼樹的理想和對於作品的堅持,懷抱一股敬意。407Please respect copyright.PENANAXsow3sZv8N
407Please respect copyright.PENANA1BK2ws1ai2
407Please respect copyright.PENANAAgqHwVVS9Q
那麼,差不多是這樣。407Please respect copyright.PENANAZfZad5OZD7
407Please respect copyright.PENANAItyNXSqV1K
407Please respect copyright.PENANAZWiBQkik7X
有興趣的讀者,不妨試著讀一讀。407Please respect copyright.PENANAPJCFSTsr0U
407Please respect copyright.PENANA8Zq44olV7r
407Please respect copyright.PENANAvV7lZJtDju
penana.com/story/57690/王座騎士