從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZS03ZMjuA
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　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRToQd8Zi4
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSowrfZ3SA2
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYn78bU8uI
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　　我滿意點頭。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzxVki13gP
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sIhLNqBhA
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptku1wAubb
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44TbKWscRo
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZT4tPV8W9
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xkLwGlYC2
　　「不知貴不貴？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlMp4jSNwo
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMyM8NwZEd
　　「應該還好。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2C1F6OXYs
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8abT9z2oHo
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi48ohok343
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FKT00npo9
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqsWtEqF8u
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AQ7U1V53F
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6ESb1ewxF
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGhjYDbyPg
　　我震驚了。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSePXLGG8a1
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvRGSbBMid
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYY5t4pN1A
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYuqmNieK3
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtI43minga
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33rpWRAnY9
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupltO8nK5u
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CDcXACtec
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrX6HV9i4V
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSTo2GFCjI
　　What the hell?805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4phHgVAqr
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0tK9NwVjG
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzufvHI4NBo
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmOQzOXvPx
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDi4OQbneP
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8hIHROiMD
　　嘶——805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSADFZVwba
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1EZfr2BoS
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNIkg3n60p
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbKMoHGIKE
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEZsciCqf8
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCf7fSCPHrU
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUmpgVczm5
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x0n8sF1Wt
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf3c6jKWZy
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5A47OFQKG6
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbfzPl9bbJ
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArJeWp0Hlj
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VWS1ugDFx
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnsFwtjlRr
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNYStzcoFG
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLN1rUZnLd
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ5ZT1yDSU
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2RPJk235h
　　然而高個子不為所動！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGo4shbhHg
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldyVPv9e2s
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF53XInAxV
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuoYyEzZZC
　　高個子依然面不改色！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr02VAVKk6
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ETjJ6NjCp
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIjZDiulB1
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8acN8qADH
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGfPq9HxLO
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqHyiiOf7D
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X4caKnbGQ
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5QWzQRQaR
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFWh0gRwIe
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVu77wEdEk
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBglbFtJtfO
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuowzCWt6I
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6FlVGzzcE
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoB1ZSbU4w
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWow9QJbFC
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3u1CkMKzH
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kBsd0i8Mu
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ592zWXv7bl
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlWV0lpF02
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFmi5XAWxE
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXL9lw9tAD
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYST9xkqQp
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpUGLzTz82
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56QHa072Aa
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPS3457r9z
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu33TOi9Q2
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SUcoNi0mj
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMGX6rlyhY
　　「但我餓了。」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQykZmKIU49
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUru76gTjSe
　　「……」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi2eB1X8jK
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kKTAzOOVK
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOIqg4sepO
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5C8EJQQk9
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKECLYCJcE
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARC7jTlfqV
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7C311L8BjV
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72A8nomyw9
　　「小語……小語……」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1fZjE2im5
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT83M7hwvnV
　　Gya——805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9KWJTlZbR
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eZZletbja
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6sDG5z7dz
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBL9Qwg7sOD
　　They are fucking gay!805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7RON0c4sB
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe58nI1VVdE
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8yeReY2zT
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqV5SLKEDP
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo287XGOoDe
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO2GlNW77k
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48vE0JD6Y2
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrMKL6gJYA
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2R4fqAnIHp
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg915LPCl4v
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqQobGHBjX
　　805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkhierck7j
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oLkPRXzYm
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　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！805Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2epFLSlsp