從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGT9yDU8US
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYXoFZNEyt
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwfjYJfR8q
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGj8xxduaK
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMbSmoCZoM
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehFzsbo3ju
　　我滿意點頭。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZArUyZc3n
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdFNwURq46
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL9ihXWuOo
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjoJ9S1k3z
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15nT4BJVO5
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTmuF0Nd0x
　　「不知貴不貴？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIR3A1psBx
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUnBH5BmbL
　　「應該還好。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRgo3ArpJ2
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrynbswSQqi
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gy1C7PTeD
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wRWa6lwID
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIUZAsbkrJ
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i7djFUPi8
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00IyTWr4VX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FzmDsJzVS
　　我震驚了。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd1dqiEDer
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlIamVTm4m
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnwmBUrHxi
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfTxnsPorm
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SD15l3iD9
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAm0cfPTN7
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvsp7EbsGJ
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxoqXIk9by
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6avyBVXoEo
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNbbqqcLYY
　　What the hell?849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l1sFk5Am7
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2H9hdvVjt
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUs1xT3GUb
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEp7KO49nG
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LoX8dPNbB
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe08R2qLYyM
　　嘶——849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVRNuXvrjp
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ASisi184w
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHeLZjBOZj
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXZYLs30I9
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjHbQ8HIKr
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJriu9WOp5
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vEB7pyiol
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7mg5a3iqy
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcxyI7pI64
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWkgybF3FV
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuCfttnf2C
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb76k1OaEE
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPZYUDUS47
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvxJH2HV3u
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth1GUC1NqX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM7BQyRjWE
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl1Mcqa4TU
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hD0hlENGu
　　然而高個子不為所動！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14I69Y2l1F
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkQdJybMcy
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zEjCFI5CD
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitoRFKK7Wd
　　高個子依然面不改色！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRlBHBl7wc
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOv8ly8aWF7
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYtxihyUPs
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cAi8G155z
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuKc3SPl4v
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP08swOg0x
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GMWnh2nq9
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwQIXRcLCd
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1tv7VzWpN
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWyLRSQhlc
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRT2mDmoYBt
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSpfRWEHD4
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadRu1YShRX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjlLCSMjB2
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZfTQElXX2
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5VWKbLHxh
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0TkFMDFnZ
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtrT7YyKP4
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQoIp88zK0
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JebDxeCON
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ385k8nVH9C
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCscEOSrWOv
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pBlX94UJ6
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTQsaSp91a
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlEE7sL2sE
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjYUxzku8e
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uHauYInXu
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL3c2MKznk
　　「但我餓了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxmjdeMEv6
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPBnnuOj6l
　　「……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9kLwr0LRh
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusmGQFz4dh
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvofwo4ATL
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgyzGXJlxC
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyiJIBBpop
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcDDMuFumz
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMXTii11Cz
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VEHZukpma
　　「小語……小語……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYm30yjSgP
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXynqitoCv
　　Gya——849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGCllaEiRg
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOiIuhtttS
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01ECsuVbpw
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquhI5WQGfE
　　They are fucking gay!849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUecjIW0OX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdU5dkE7ni
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1ekANf6YX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm33DpQHlhn
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57HV0wTIRk
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZKPbIekGU
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnc1ZyJcxX
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKNBtxKAqn
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSWi5e3uIg
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuQ8xmwpwu
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA6DoycZPG
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKUVy7o1gA
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUegURTLtF
　　849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5dKR6kma1
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfQHrFjScb