從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR9VXgneQt
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qahg6Uq6Y
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJeTeq4Y6s
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ptbSG6buk
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllh5vJdiOc
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiovUo0WDK
　　我滿意點頭。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqK9LOwXml
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQIOUvPRB9
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61Wl25rGfz
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1dnfBxhgc
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCfleqFjLO
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF27jJxNoZA
　　「不知貴不貴？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK81yW3t4tZ
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EAM2JqvHC
　　「應該還好。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSItrbymg3
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujpxEdVPdZ
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUgGWsXNCU
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulS5OlHQ9V
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosMEZ5CHbO
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4jPQMSkgl
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWclpnwgyK5
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4esbV7RaC
　　我震驚了。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocxJk0fzKt
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzzpCjAxs8
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4foKSrkncI
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQEuLZ1nPo
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PeyWMEwCl
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL252raVLLX
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5j46vbdKAO
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CwaFjluBg
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7BI9O210t
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GqtlGa08Y
　　What the hell?846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UTUaVRGiz
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgUtwTk2yi
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxFhQzOlJo
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwUMwDoXvB
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NtJbmnhY1
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28fM2PsJbH
　　嘶——846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZu73ki8cKn
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtQcrLCP4j
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoY8aCnUtj
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijTvGGIZ5y
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcjTseUPGo
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBQJG4qHza
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiZ21iYGDG
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ewmO4Vo34
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUnU1G5R09
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHadw8e4MA
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPJzoPEVGs
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kZ2NNB130
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGl8QgsTl0
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡau7megTzcQ
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2kZP4oGzH
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsiVkGSMgD
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKdeuxGBsW
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjED8yh2bim
　　然而高個子不為所動！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdYIGorrN7
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhnJx0KICW
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxbUavHpjj
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCuoM3cuDt
　　高個子依然面不改色！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmHVt3RsWl
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5JpTuAjTy
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0LzEa7hka
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXm625SQXu
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3RAiUs8yY
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtqjswD4ex
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhedTYGeRp
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiTPHOmxJq
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqDgw1sdln
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06ZVrhzHxe
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEiBLnrWRu
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhqUxMKKO4
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEBJXs20dM
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqLECTM6ZB
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eanKPL9bS
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvL3olHcA5
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxCDEV60xA
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyktfrCesy6
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFA0chHHwYb
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifpDMDOmXt
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD7avfycWe
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUCt3pWWZt
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM7TEhYXq2
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveA12Mvc10
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqp3Jf70fg
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5gQfPEYTI
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDooIMEtYH
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyoPjnDzu3
　　「但我餓了。」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23Ihksn2iC
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGbrKXyS8X
　　「……」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyutWM9QBw
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKCJdyQjoR
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHahNlmN5q
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJhcbbu6b3
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4YoMxNOfw
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNawNEWeUl
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N2sODVhis
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnxVArHTnL
　　「小語……小語……」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD1DMgWYgu
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRw5RfgXPD3
　　Gya——846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAqB7HZKG1
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlC3gfqk3Z
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFtOvdok4C
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNPtfuZSeS
　　They are fucking gay!846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhqwA9TWOK
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9srqjbHzH
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8Ha6puxku
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMb4aXRo5I
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOja1oSH4KT
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PRZfongaX
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGnu2BmCa0
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rlXgpifnX
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3pIRZh18D
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmGdqof1nG
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpllEBvKkzT
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpdxixVL1V
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaVOPNrBsD
　　846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xyUtgezMP
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！846Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19Rea6kN3L