從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9Ureox7vH
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwbME8fE9S
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1voubKTlE0
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc67wYHTcsJ
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxLJweZ3Fu
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBxsjq1m36
　　我滿意點頭。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfSnXTBJo3
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FWJzRkt8r
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONLvEeTcn5
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShH46EWUwN
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWln6o7gY4l
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A4TeOYDnW
　　「不知貴不貴？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtyRZ8MrC8
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaNgcUYMjv
　　「應該還好。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfsbRprxCP
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYreR0Sn0Bj
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiacPEsX9SN
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDY1k6ozAQ
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNm7TvPAbo
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9jl2e1dUI
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a81fisrtJ
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVDifyML8H
　　我震驚了。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNcbXkO67R
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3hPlDsAsV
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHhwldW6Wj
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyqZV95yiZ
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsXm7UdOC6
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIj7igDtsb
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5qVklUZ2C
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKCjCPvykN
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpUutUP44N
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3YQcrIhER
　　What the hell?845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopUu3QTFHt
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtZ5ZfX2b7
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyucVWlKw0S
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqjbLp93Hw
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4TNUA2SEZ
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0JMOn1yII
　　嘶——845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ynRNHKLnu
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYju8vbw7IP
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxC6HifQhl
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMeZ4DvdIs
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl6TdSqP2v
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBSj9D9DuD
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8leMCQfrtB
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LcP1p4JPK
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWlKavYdUN
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu37Xauv82m
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFJFWNmjYf
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFo84M9ySb
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6fJEymX0N
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7wlwZafIE
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEXUX72b8i
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj1jARKe39
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseXQDK9UFa
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYpHjfVWsF
　　然而高個子不為所動！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqEDHgrIAx
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuX6qWawneK
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxokXwegmeN
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbslCu6uT2w
　　高個子依然面不改色！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsjxOGvR3d
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciLGQuNNGM
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyVlF4XzIm
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQYBrPtdjj
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Yx0Hi5EVU
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YZNq4AAwK
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84cFVOZcvo
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElcNxwfG1n
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGn7NOY3iYC
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyZPgDVnKr
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJowdouJT1V
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7cmSLDp2p
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHSc0BIKQg
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvL9xyozNnN
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjgixOEw88
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQEM5cy3Dc
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgwAUVK3tq
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1VGTpoMCz
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjehEV1LiZ
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQOvXjbLZR
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZwrA9T3Bw
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeURYNbXsD
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkm7LcCIdH
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7GeN8kcpN
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VBisIU8k1
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr3lSP8Zxn
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOO0eQLea5m
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlr8EEphoM
　　「但我餓了。」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOm2CvA1cc
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbbw8f2x16
　　「……」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY09fCVadIm
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlstyzk8zw2
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAY0XcBXNF
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG83bSTtEsJ
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ3WMtsfan
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEbRDWyGrf
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MDvT6CJDg
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9Z2euzmFA
　　「小語……小語……」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzUCoHVsjr
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QNYfYywmv
　　Gya——845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqoRayA2ow
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2XZH9XOES
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakyGJA5wkV
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO1kVya9qt
　　They are fucking gay!845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MNAGQSpO1
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD9g1CsLnJ
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL37E06hJc
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1abnza9OSd
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5uxQVcXT5
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTlKr8Rh4t
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQhquE3Dgc
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ4fMEfA4e
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pUf9zhqYN
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWh0OdHUlD
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN9lUxskO6
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GDO54zlXj
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs0FnDY6xZ
　　845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOoWcq6Tyr
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！845Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3d4CSPUkB