快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrBGVhh00t
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbQGVT85td
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dOh8zDhAX
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIX4UkSS789
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo861Sz3dTN
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW5CtObXJb
～～～～分隔線～～～～199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vZJKGg7ft
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzyu401rKu
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHbCVxUdV0
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〈限制和自由〉199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIthCeccNx
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cGlxV55Lq
penana.com/article/1024895199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1utECwXBh
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTYuiF5z2S
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMvHxZUerH
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wvq65w9pW
詩度 0。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUl0g8Ckfc
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8jY9NuNfe
～～～～分隔線～～～～199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgQdybHoBY
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〈問〉199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8crs6rKGv
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penana.com/article/1024944199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6yJVV6mxC
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYoBXrWXel
詩度高一點。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc85iQhImwQ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesR4c7qoAj
～～～～分隔線～～～～199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw8xTrU6L3
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF44w4aV8iJ
〈摩天之輪〉199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Vt4a1slQa
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFq29t49vg
penana.com/article/1045705199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuEBARalcE
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9buxJYw08t
詩度再高一點。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8YPYkAGXu
〈蝴蝶酥〉199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg8nCpzEdv
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1af92XFLGs
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSlY2gmppO
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN34V70JbG1
詩度比前三首都高。

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mNAcfMz2Z
～～～～分隔線～～～～

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWKd8R1cor
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jGPtNnq1p
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlIdFXPMeA
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDDZ4gcAX2
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85w2y1IZof
跟你分享。

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfe7NnoCzf
～～～～分隔線～～～～

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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaki5dNHGGs
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2oWXIpTCG
【認識新詩的基本元素】199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSU5tsE95s9
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU3rlor6ew
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cDSRelPia
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEm6JFpMHT
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymvhP0ICOQ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRVhgwdiBx
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iYBnK7rbo

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡte5k8hNbhd

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0JjNDovKt

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUDwekTPKr
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbarh3Th0fj
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXlrw8VRLT
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht9F0MZ39r
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgzvzXKnb2

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjV2F5FtdsW

【這次全新寫的感想】

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNlZXv6SZ3

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkLmg8Sa9c

〈詠栗〉

199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7OrqeOmm9

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在