‘I ended it. Please, help me take care of her.’69Please respect copyright.PENANAsTd9K9anBs
I sat up immediately when I saw his message come through. Before I could think of something to reply, she called me.
‘H-hey, can-are you free right now?’
My heart dropped as I heard her sobbing and realised what had happened.
‘Of course, where are you right now?’
69Please respect copyright.PENANAB5Odl9NzBr
She collapsed into my arms the moment she saw me. I stroked her back and sat with her on the couch while she cried her heart out on my shoulder.
‘I don’t k-know why we were so distant but-‘
She choked on her tears and shook her head, burying her head further into my shoulder. My heart felt heavy. Despite our many years of friendship, I’ve never seen her cry like this. I couldn’t think of any words for comfort and continued patting her back silently.
69Please respect copyright.PENANA3Nl44nHO2Y
That night, I opened my phone and saw another message from him.
‘How is she?’
‘Bad. What happened between you two?’
‘It just wasn’t working out, neither of us felt the spark we had anymore.’
I hesitated, this isn’t right, I shouldn’t be messaging my best friend’s ex-boyfriend.
But…if I knew his side of the story, perhaps I could comfort and make her feel better?
‘Are you available tomorrow?’
69Please respect copyright.PENANAqXyeyk6Wat
We met at the seaside and found a bench. He started explaining how they both lost interest, how they started being distant, and how they both agreed to end the relationship.
‘She’s not the only one hurting,’ he exhaled as he ran his fingers through his hair,’ and thank you for letting me explain, most of her friends harassed and blocked me.’
‘Don’t thank me, I’m just trying to find out what happened so I can help her.
‘Well she’s lucky to have a friend like you,’ he teased with a slight smile.
I couldn't forget the way he looked at me with such pure appreciation and respect. It made my heart flutter even though I knew it should not.
69Please respect copyright.PENANAejtYPnitzZ
I realised he was a pretty decent person after speaking to him that day. We shared some similar interests so we also started talking more and more.
I tried multiple times to convince myself that it was only a casual friendship, nothing more. Yet I couldn’t ignore the growing attraction I felt for him, and guilt for not telling her about it.
But I’m just friends with him, what’s there to feel guilty about?
69Please respect copyright.PENANAwux0khHzyo
On a warm July morning, he called and asked me to meet up. We scrolled from the seaside to a flower field.
‘Why did you really want to see me?’ I asked, knowing it wasn’t just to ‘catch up’.
He gave me that smile again, staying silent.
I turned around and took in the sight of the flower field. Wildflowers were blooming radiantly. So lively and free, thriving without a care in the world.
I felt him take my hands into his. I glanced back at him and saw him kneeling in front of me.
And without thinking twice, I said yes.
69Please respect copyright.PENANAiUF8iWV0bm
‘He got a new girlfriend already?’
I froze slightly as she showed me his post. It was a picture of him with his arm wrapped around my neck, thankfully my face wasn’t visible.
‘Who is she-‘
‘Hey, don’t. It’ll only make it harder for you to move on.’
I sighed wearily as I pried her phone away and started dragging her towards the ocean.
‘We’re at the beach, come on, might as well have some fun, take our mind off things.’
After a couple of minutes of splashing around, we went back onshore, shivering from head to toe. She grabbed a blanket to wrap around us both as we sat down to watch the sunset.
‘I don’t think I’ve told you enough times, how thankful I am to have you always looking out for me,’ She grinned cheekily up at me,’ really, thank you for always being here when I need you.’
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I took a cold bath that night, trying to make sense of it all. I love her to death, she’s like a sister to me. But I also love him, I haven’t met anyone who understands and cares for me as he does. Do I really need to choose between them? This isn’t right, what I’m doing isn’t right.
I sank into the tub, but even the cold water could not wash away the dread in my stomach.
69Please respect copyright.PENANAiylXsL9Hv7
‘Love, can we take it slower?’
We were cuddled up on his couch, watching a movie.
‘I want to…keep our relationship private for now, a lot is going on.’
‘Of course, I won’t rush you into anything if you’re not ready,’ he murmured as he tucked me closer and kissed my forehead.
I know he loves me, but whenever his lips touch my skin and his fingers thread through my hair, I wonder if he thought of her.
She was outspoken, bubbly, and full of life. Me? I was always her quiet shadow, minding my own business. We were like yin and yang, parallel opposites but this was exactly what made us so close.
‘Something on your mind?’
‘No just…thinking about how we could spend Christmas together’
He chuckled softly and squeezed my hand.
‘Always thoughtful and thinking ahead.’
What else was I supposed to say? I would only hurt him if I brought her up. I will figure something out, I told myself.
69Please respect copyright.PENANACZbKVmVYUb
‘Let’s spend valentines together!’
‘Ah-ah-?’ I tilted my head at her.
‘C’mon it’ll be an only girls day, doesn’t that sound fun?’ She whined slightly and gave me a playful pout. I sighed but couldn’t suppress the smile creeping up my face, how could I resist?
‘Alright alright, you win,’ I nudged her back as she laughed.
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‘Hey love,’ I called him when I got back home, collapsing onto the bed with a huff.
‘You alright?’ I can hear his worry through the phone.
‘Yeah just tired…so about Valentine’s Day-‘
‘Don’t be so gloomy, I got something special planned, you’ll love it. Go get some rest, you sound exhausted,’ his warm tone soothed me effortlessly despite the storm in my stomach.
I uttered a quick ‘love you’ before hanging up, my mind going into overdrive.
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I already promised her to spend time with her, if I cancel on her she will definitely know that I’m dating someone. Or I could pretend to be sick? No, what am I thinking? I can’t lie to her.
What surprises could he possibly have planned? He was the first guy ever to treat me so well, he knew exactly how to comfort me, how to cheer me up, how to make my heart race, I don’t want to lose him.
I want to live my own life, but dating my best friend’s ex-boyfriend? It’s…wrong.
I paced around my room, breathing quickly. What am I doing? Sneaking around behind my best friend’s back. But can I really be blamed for wanting someone to love me too? Everything was in a daze, my head spun, and guilt and anxiety were eating me alive.
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Finally, I sent out the message: I’m sorry. I love you but I can’t do this anymore.69Please respect copyright.PENANA2VYsX8nqQZ


