Tuesday, After class.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCNLhuUhTs
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I had been thinking about it all day.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwlSe0IQxz
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGTsGeVkIX
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Kuroiwa Rei.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOH1PTobKy
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZcfNbNFJc
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“There has to be a better option.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFuXV96zVF
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6PakBD841
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I looked at her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgJOcu16LH
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfecDce02X6
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRAZWXyumY
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYYRxicIco
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbv9LHPpsZ
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanSkXJ8qgT
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42kagLxZli
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I did... giggled quietly.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEC5GfsuQU
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFesA5ovQWB
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I knew that. I knew all of that.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ncMtfVTSI
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhcgFkNvcV
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhCP11r9ug
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufRR2Mp16l
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1FLKne3oG
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q99JmyUii
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysgMLuSR37
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwSGLvp5du
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgQsOpY881
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKOWNQKmW1
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCxcGuNCeF
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWPiAAvqPL
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Then the back door opened.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee0OIeBP98
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6SamWA65b
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I felt him come in.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTj24yLVuB
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x2kHrZZzD
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Gentle?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFJlTnmeo5
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Curiosity crept into me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8izvzp3q6
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXIiBmUzqF
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFCqa8sroE
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByvTTptlRv
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLvyH83JW7
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWHsHyY45c
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“You have eyes.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYTwrkp06P
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“I can’t use them right now.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd4SdloEDM
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“Why not?”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YD1tb0Kjd
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“I just can’t.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jc2JuduH2
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“Hi.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxcQJkZ4R7
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoJ4WumrrU
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DRZbVYRM9
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiFuGdY9Kq
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vyttdIwpi
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How?
How is she so calm right now?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVHsxrgr9m
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOa80a4V8R
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCyEl44l1P
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUerkgKJfy
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseXWjluCqY
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIa691bMaS
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“Study?” he said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncqT4aG2wP
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwlq3v1N6O
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Cp7x9Vj1c
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dQ1Untnn1
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZOLlhXTZT
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nEU1qZYJ0
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSootGQvWMq
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It stopped right in front of me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyOcpknawh
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20yVRlTS4J
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDUCuEmNzR
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“Test papers,” he said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9F3sJS1IO
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjq9LckWTg
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzPaBAKcCi
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At that moment I wondered.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJcK73hcAE
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIABKW7VtwI
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7PueB4O18
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“Not now,” I whispered back.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBtRW8z2vn
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqaunyace8
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“Terrible.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApG4yc4LkB
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZDiBsgGtp
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zMuQXWk2l
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8AV0HstU5
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She went quiet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBhZ6Et0Dl
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFHNWmswSn
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6L93Xl4Pv
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“But not impossible,” he said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdhDtMb7AD
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I blinked.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaleqQiXJBE
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0OM0fURLz
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuHAvRfRsT
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb33zmTaBvu
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Another muffled sound from behind me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQVbZUJeUC
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Yui… I swear.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUzkDEsgcb
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mPmBzyM1I
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMslJWSSI0z
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Because..14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJdF3ZX81p
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6k78dB7Jl
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK032XeIjU
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhL4sc6wQD
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUkCkdnUQx
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1h290Jlr8
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“Sure,” he replied.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZbjFwo8gf
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVUcd8rf4b
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I’ll take it, I thought.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutPY8YIqlR
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lwDdFhehp
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhrPSS2GRo
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoHLIdCPI7
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4ElEp3ngC
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“I don’t need your money.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUKejaFUPm
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWkOYtIr5P
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59jiCTBERR
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He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCskYjcgY7T
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He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4Zv4raTpi
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He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gjbw2gDiC
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“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEFY3KnCGi
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“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPUJZEk1Np
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He kept his eyes on me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE3QsGnvkF
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fgtlNEwjN
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Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkwBYMr8cY
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Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzyOyCPOFp
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Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmISyEdY1D7
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I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdS0vHopKH
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But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqSZhHu9hY
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Not Impossible.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFp5GaRaVe
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZPCV0R8pQ
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“I need her to come alone.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLanfhzYPpq
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“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKmXw6TzbH
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He looked at her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbUtYlgdGD
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“Tojo Mika,” he said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHS2MRxtmN
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Mika stopped.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQj59PUP1A
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“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ypk5XFdSj
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Mika’s mouth opened.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgefXhIRBQ
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“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEA0QQeNGvO
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Yui made a small startled sound.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xdUDhM4r5
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“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKJM7eqFXv
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“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWopTk9nn2o
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“Asakura Hina.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAqho1iEGz
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“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqU3WQ4hyy
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He paused for a second.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN5fbNn9KF
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“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjP3A3DqzS
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“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V2wTFRzsu
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I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3Hxc8gHuB
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I felt mildly annoyed this time.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP60wn6Nb0k
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“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSJGgpBBTZ
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“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRobp7IylBG
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“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQd4tF9Esc
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Everyone went still.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUahPjATdpx
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPnQVzF6Zx
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As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XuNJvno4z
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“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCuSScDJTY
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“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW1FGHWd0m
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My hands were shaking at my sides.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnk6EwdQJb
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“I’m the problem. Not them.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0YRtSaaZ4
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I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEtWAghutn
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“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLLuq8cf6t
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Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLaWYMS7ks
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I stared at the floor.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU64Lkt1Nm
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It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNtygMoOtZ
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He let out a long exhale from across me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF93ZkO4B24
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“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDo75bFFR3
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“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TNkJE6gSl
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He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnB2MqCnpe
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“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiQ2gTKzU9
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnb8eui4fx
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“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNupp0EqiSe
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Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNv9i2VZ8Y
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“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93PnN7BlcR
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That stuck inside my thoughts.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7be33G0y5v
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A skill.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4nYU2a7IX
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Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLhi29tHHt
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Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbWbEsqDWk
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNFHbLrw18
And yet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3ET4MFdWA
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I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQLAW97Gqo
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He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJW1x4xbJL
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I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ6yvhee4I
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“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuWBpM6KIJ
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Mika’s eyebrow went up.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDNcMemcnC
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVQDwwTQd0
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“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW2x5ISCfZ
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And just like that. He was gone.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrqHg5RfdW
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsSIEWE2DZ
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“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINSdbtdN7Z
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“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwL0FNGvbW
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“He specifically called me annoying!”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwaRcamwWS
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“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXbTzPkaYM
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxhCrIIFBK
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“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwU4ltqn3n
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3EvlLVKS6
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“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNcAYNsQYH
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“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv91EerWMU
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Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6ceXaafiI
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“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohjz889Xoc
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQecXS98ILU
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTLs3gstoP
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“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRd3vwy4Qd
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ78Wnl1t2X
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I closed my fingers around the paper.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlHn8vZ6Oa
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This idea is terrible, I thought.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Jkobivnj
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And yet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCYThdd4qV
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Tuesday, afternoon14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMzNamtFMl
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On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRDjbrjSY8
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I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFuF4zs3hR
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Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoluLsl1JHs
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2JIlDLVGW
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We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U5MTI9rHu
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The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5TYsOnEHz
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRb7kopU1U
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I let her be.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpZ9ffcSX7
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvjrbt6NXY
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAFx2OLMY1
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WZNWbLfPU
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“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fmu06QiSc
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“I know.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTq80hB9Zt
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“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mRVmedyXs
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Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3zenPcf2E
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“I know,” I said again.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6cU5z7z2K
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We walked half a block without talking.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHfKndvp5T
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FH5gOGKl6
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“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZnvIygDZc
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ098FUis69t
“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEXKvTRisJ
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She went quiet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6iwcszeDv
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJVowAbiYG
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Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzBKTb4ozC
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A few seconds later.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRWiE1nG3y
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgm4g2RItBO
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“I’ll call you immediately.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuadqRkXdI
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“Before immediately.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpKNK1D1rJ
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“Before immediately,” I agreed.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uxoOdflFE
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“I don’t want you to go.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn49y1O53ak
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“I know.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoEAIhpUoR
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“But you’re going to anyway.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwj6A9cDo5
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKfjLyJcPa
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“...Maybe,” I said.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XJPLrBj7X
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dCOlejmiu
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I smiled at her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdhlbAAZj3
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKObO9sxed
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“Okay, mom.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUJeR764U7
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“I’m serious.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc1Lv7az1T
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aedArhvqH
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLkFF9g4D3
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMJXDxZBT1
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Will I go?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZsfoFRzTY
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I didn’t have the answer yet.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS83o9ohGr
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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and then Add to home screen.