與我同屋嘅女同學打到帽我嘅ex躺平//《同居女孩》 - 【第七話醉酒】

之後嘅一星期，我同倩兒除咗食飯之外都無乜交流，因為我哋都有各自嘅生活。

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我就喺床到躺平渡日，而阮倩兒就出咗成日街，去到夜晚先返到屋企。

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某夜，我係廳到同朋友打Apex。

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係房嘅阮倩兒突然行出嚟，以為嘈到佢嘅我就問：「係唔係嘈到你呀？」

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雖然戴咗耳機，但係我都怕唔小心騷擾到倩兒。

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一身運動裝嘅阮倩兒綁咗一條馬尾，佢搖搖頭答：「無。我出去跑步，順便買糖水，你要唔要？」

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跑完步食糖水呢件事其實係對沖，但係我無講出口。

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「好呀，返嚟畀返錢你，麻煩晒。」

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跟著，阮倩兒穿好波鞋後就出咗門跑步。

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阮倩兒嘅扎起馬尾嘅樣令我諗起前女友，我放低手制再打側攤咗係沙發。

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我前女友都會做下運動，然後我係手機到見到一張又一張我同前女友嘅合照。

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「衡仔，今日練完跑可唔可以去你到沖涼呀？」一個女仔問。

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「可以呀。」

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「我睇啱咗呢對波鞋呀。」女仔講完之後就將手機嘅相show畀梁諾衡睇。

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「我買畀你啦。」

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「多謝BB！」女仔高興咁攬住梁諾衡。

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「雅妍⋯⋯」我低吟，眼角唔自覺咁流出幾滴眼淚。

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沉醉喺回憶中同攤咗係梳化嘅我不知不覺間瞓著咗。

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一個鐘左右之後，阮倩兒拎住兩碗糖水返到屋。

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見到係沙發瞓住咗嘅我，阮倩兒立即放輕腳步，慢慢行入屋，擺低糖水，再幫我冚上毛氈。

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本來阮倩兒唔想嘈醒我，但係冚緊毛氈嘅時候我就扎醒咗。

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「呀⋯⋯」啱啱瞓醒嘅我就伸展一下筋骨，我一張開眼就見到阮倩兒。

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好近。

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佢對眼同我好近。

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阮倩兒有啲修長嘅睫毛，我哋都盯住對方嘅眼睛。

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從睡意回過神嚟嘅我擰歪臉，話：「唔該曬。」

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「唔洗，你畀地方我住，我唔想你病。」

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留意到檯上有兩碗糖水嘅我就轉移話題：「不如食糖水囉？」

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「好。」

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係腐竹蛋糖水。

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「你鐘唔鐘意食？」阮倩兒問。

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「我ok呀。」只係我又諗起前女友。

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「BB，我今日想食心太軟呀。」女仔係電話講。

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「松記嘅啱唔啱？」我問。

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「好呀，你買外賣過嚟我樓下？」女仔問。

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「一齊行去食啦。」我提議。

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「人哋唔想行呀。你做外賣仔啦。」女仔撒嬌。

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「好啦，咁我買過嚟啦。」

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「好難食？」阮倩兒見我臉色唔係太好所以問。

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佢估錯，我只係因為諗起個ex先咁樣。

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「唔係呀。」我匆忙咁食幾啖糖水，廢事我嘅唔開心影響到佢。

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阮倩兒無追問落去，始終大家唔熟，只要維持基本程度嘅交流就可以。

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阮倩兒唔係唔想知點解梁諾衡成日留係屋企唔出街，明明佢係班上有唔少朋友，點解佢暑假要成個廢柴咁留係屋企都唔出去同朋友玩？

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但係大家連朋友都唔算係，加上八卦同佢嘅形象唔係太夾，所以佢無問到。

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又過咗一個星期，暑假得返兩個星期。

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同居咗兩個禮拜，我哋都係無乜特別嘅交流，只係萍水相逢、因巧合而住埋一齊嘅二人，唔會好似童話咁發展出愛情故事、或者毒撚幻想咁產生情素。

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認識但係喺本來嘅生活無乜交雜嘅兩人突然同居，有嘅只係無盡嘅尷尬。

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唔知同居生活幾時會迎嚟盡頭，所以我哋兩個都摸索緊同對方嘅相處方式。

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今日阮倩兒依舊出咗去醫院探媽媽再去買餸，但係我今日罕有地離開床榻，久違地出街。

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呢個中午，本來我完全唔想出去，直到我係ig見到前女友嘅一個post。

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唔知失戀嘅人係咪都有呢個犯賤嘅習慣，就係會開個假帳戶去stalk自己嘅ex。雖然心入面知道睇完唔會有乜嘢好事，但係都會忍唔住㩒入去睇。

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一個限時動態，我前女朋友雅妍拖住一個男仔嘅手。

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見到呢個限時動態嘅我立馬就嚇到呆咗，不過我重覆又重覆咁睇呢個限時動態。

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我怕前女朋友黃雅妍會刪除限時動態，所以我將呢個動態截圖再儲存到自己嘅手機入面。

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明明呢張截圖對我嚟講只有傷害，但係我都忍唔住儲存落嚟。

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睇完又睇，睇完又睇⋯⋯

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到底我cap圖落嚟緊係為咗令自己死心，定係想故意傷害自己，抑或係保持同前女友嘅聯繫，我都唔明自己行動嘅動機，我只係好自然地咁樣做。

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我無深究自己截圖嘅原因，只係用力咁瞪住張截圖。

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呢個男仔係邊個？點解會拖手？佢就係個姦夫？咁我算係乜？雅妍有冇鐘意過我？

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呢啲問題係我嘅腦海中纏繞。

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其實我心入面其實有答案，黃雅妍都講過呢個答案畀我知。

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只係我唔肯同唔想承認。拒絕承認對方唔愛自己嘅事實可以為自己帶嚟一絲嘅慰藉，即使咁樣只係自欺欺人，但係呢個幻象可以令自己好過一啲。

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但係呢個限時動態狠狠地打咗我一巴掌，再格硬將我拉返去現實。

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雅妍無愛過我，就算有愛過，對依家嘅雅妍嚟講，我已經不值一提。

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我意識到呢個限時動態對我嘅意義，但係我唔想面對、唔想接受。

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我將電話扔落地下，再用被包實自己，將外面嘅光芒完全隔絕。

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我要瞓我要瞓，唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗唔好再諗。

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但係唔得，思緒不停纏繞係腦海入面，我完全瞓唔到。

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「呀！！！！」我用雙手遮住耳仔，係得自己一個嘅屋企大叫。

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心入面好痛苦，心臟就好似畀人用力咁揸住，我自己都揸住自己胸口，期望呢個痛楚可以得到舒緩。

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我有啲呼吸唔到，眼淚又唔知幾時開始流緊落嚟，滔滔不絕地。

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我好似嫌自己未夠心痛，我執返起部電話，再打開手機嘅相簿去睇返所有同雅妍嘅合照。

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我哋去過嘅地方、我哋嘅相處、我哋有過嘅肌膚之親，過去嘅一點一滴透過相片嘅輔助，非常清晰咁投射咗係我嘅思緒中。

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比起回憶嘅影像，我記得嘅更多係感受，雖然唔記得當中嘅細節，但係拍拖帶嚟嘅幸福感係我最有印象嘅嘢。

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雖然係幸福同快樂嘅過去，但係呢啲感覺湧上嚟嘅依一刻，對我嚟講就只係雪上加霜，係我已經遍體鱗傷嘅身軀上再插一刀。

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我好想失去意識、我唔想再諗起前女友，但係我越唔想去諗，我同雅妍嘅回憶就越係湧現係出嚟。

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我試圖打電話畀雅妍，但係佢已經封鎖咗我。就算想whatsapp搵對方，我見到嘅就只有一個灰色嘅頭像同埋係我傳出嘅訊息旁邊只有一個剔。

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做完一大堆無謂嘅爭扎之後，我嘅痛苦不減反增。

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腦海比之前更清晰，所以我完全瞓唔著。

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我好想打暈自己但係做唔到，於是，我換件衫就去咗樓下donki買咗一箱日本啤酒返嚟。

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點解無畀人查身分證？我都唔知，可能係啲職員太求其，又或者係我個樣似已經成年。

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重點係我終於離開咗屋企。

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平時無飲開啤酒嘅我只係呷咗幾啖黃湯就開始迷迷糊糊，世界好似對唔到焦咁，分散成一個又一個小光點。

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但係我依然將黃湯灌入喉嚨，不知不覺間我已經飲咗半打啤酒。

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忽爾，嘔心嘅感覺湧上心頭，我立即跑咗去廁所，將鬱悶嘅感覺都吐入馬桶裡面。

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呢一刻嘅不適令到雅妍係我嘅腦海中消失得無影無蹤。

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嘔完之後，我就好似斷電咁攬住個馬桶瞓住咗。

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