《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A2zayPf3U
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不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJscb7k6gKF
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWEUk07pgI
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7izY6gG09s
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIkkuk1XWe
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGxegJrlY9
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlBURFFnUL
壓力似乎一併消散。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzil2MJYVT
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1z3ixorYN
茶盡。我再續杯。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXvwGTJ0YB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRniBRiPVyX
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiD8tNdfmw
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63tFiJgJZq
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8cWoyEsGS
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqtlTkjsbx
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuADLS2QRBy
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpdX72KJpG
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvB32QbNlPN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LTM1HEAX4
夢醒一場空。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVRQBqg5K6
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJZS5DmSp5
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpy7MchuHW
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnUbSDpSBA
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEGoZc8eos
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGspt4t40Y
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwNxocNtMF
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEo34NcOOJ
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy6CsM2PJF
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41Ko92vbBO
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8h3KtJWKxW
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxju0QHiLoU
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1shT2samZ9
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3j1G01QsOp
我沾沾自喜。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiqG8kCnhF
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW0pBkQPtd
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgdCT17Jl4
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但我沒有向同學們坦白。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yeRfSf2XB
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5JhzfQJ2q
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3EmqHrs73
努力，努力，努力。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJLaTkVSPO
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92e3CXZSgZ
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyt635Z9hN
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZ2Ccl6KWK
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxETe7VJcBZ
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以為。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3Ez4RsUtd
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告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD84Swy3dA
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7BNbTMy7k
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoolwvY8rg9
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJFIl7iRbJ
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWb3rweQjuT
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiue1Mpp6LC
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXSKODRPZ5
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQrK6G7ZXV
我的作品感動了我。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbx4Z0Sxiu
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrTwRRI1MK
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1uzBmQbCq
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7B9VuVRmns
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DodRx0Pjg
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHHyOMoCaJ
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tAeeQtQ67
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTKYviE0bC
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpCZJlr7bB
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkMxgaB4Lg
熱茶又涼了。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9E9O3rpzJ
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8wu99P6Xo
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI72HkdfMYn
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaEz650dfS
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f65kn4iBT
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStbrxxeRhT
我的作品只感動了我。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnsSNFELTY
383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8v3fuNPiwU
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。383Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9KKvkpnkK