《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWt5WoKHXW
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kIqJp3gkF
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq96AwjMzuF
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHk3pJGVyc
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKljyenai63
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiz5SibM4y
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs8vMv6ZjH
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpf421ajMb
壓力似乎一併消散。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRiIhlWJ4C
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNoLb2CCRA
茶盡。我再續杯。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoofoC8bQ0
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLCa4bWXmO
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CSCO1sUxA
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtZItZXsCt
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVEBYBNebw
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V1ssLxBGp
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabB7TTroio
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwonOSd18Z
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqe8vPXv3id
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjO8ePJ2TB
夢醒一場空。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYOCJiM7rN
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ249ZMokImK
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVjhMNGM6x
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D5uzRLNN8
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsSJmLuKLW
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EeJpfMbd9
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lzUtp2JE8
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA63H81e2FN
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19t257BsV1
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pQGmDiqID
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5KH7NrtKK
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpNKze3LKF
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKXo8yplMv
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZNErD8zjc
我沾沾自喜。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFMKLYxTWs
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVExrhUL7gq
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsXvpu79G3
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh7WHWy0lB
但我沒有向同學們坦白。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMQE2vlN1o
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpahP2V2sP
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7XsF2QaNZ
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMQBkkhSH5
努力，努力，努力。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdoq2aet3W
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKk43x8hwh
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2dA54Liud
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhWpiyNBYT
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnkZmwDuDy
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnxSrAJThw
以為。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGP8VZt3fn
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfbz1f9fbL
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMiMvj4X1X
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNclUht2GP9
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5XTxZkNrR
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8atEPchkzj
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfthS2swmu
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpimK6dXx2V
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGeNsb7zKo
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKqdreUkuw
我的作品感動了我。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZ9xjYl5b5
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3BXe5Jrj4
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboz35Y51Gw
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfkyHWDo1K
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjH34nPmP4m
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtMRhhScKA
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqCf7aUoNC
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEm0tkN1ZY
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMguPWpZpW
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcy8A9KObi
熱茶又涼了。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvodDGHGfzk
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUIHsWPZOJ
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UETd2QGBp
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfjqSGUKYP
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGZz0va7OE
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmybby1Or33
我的作品只感動了我。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4YIw3Pvhz
337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflXiJwgCrX
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。337Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqbuaUJZCb