《狂亂文字》財洛 2021-12 - 才落

我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA7o2KXaqe
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ye7ScOV3R
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM4Iru3VHi
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxGM0yeipU
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrz6Q9cLhn
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRUR5Iqds3
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEZMVaB5oO
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MeW2590X6
壓力似乎一併消散。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdspfokcOoh
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2mhE5O6uf
茶盡。我再續杯。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiSfwDiBjU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BXdRIlfIh
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ltu3nS2hv
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CuJHpehFe
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoidrTKRVAq
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFq5ynapD4N
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39qzOnhdFK
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUUOiWxZr1
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdVMugm6UU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUp60Sw8zxE
夢醒一場空。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRwj0f15F8
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3P7YTeh6Y
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnc349PDLX
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHcmFnfPYz
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhRk3h5QLQ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqw4rNeyvG
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNafOJooUpq
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu18yrEKBx
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDi0qbqpqJ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZA0R4xZlH7
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGaXHT4GzU
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEYzyqr1w0
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN5IjfQPO4
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIWlbcFi5Y
我沾沾自喜。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0PYUGoKn9
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxNDFoLtGp
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluU9iH7HmS
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMggWBUCddA
但我沒有向同學們坦白。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqAwLqp5Sx
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pXSK6QptW
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpYwhCCtaB
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2PHc7RZ1a
努力，努力，努力。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qNnubyQqG
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwyaSDvoPd
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVkBgXaJLk
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zKyHD6ANG
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TrLESRxbp
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以為。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qNJtusKSb
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX0UiTInpf
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpboo7ANXvZ
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2bH7zuILO
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQAXIoKcir
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWxDWcNgtr
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuTrMldUeB
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡturprNb37p
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbxUA00irL
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8LsSBI1RU
我的作品感動了我。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYejaFvzTh
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvLHVsmXhG
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNye3ffK2mL
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPvaPyofIU
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsNLVGDyNV
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLwiT6eWyi
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXKdRsFy9j
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTT6ASK88t
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4l2ETgfbBs
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnNGYpPXhU
熱茶又涼了。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo29HYdEmSh
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PJvfJiBlO
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz9D2yvETx
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdVDxK1UeN
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9FZvzA9cH
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlAjFKkal1
我的作品只感動了我。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMKlWt5vc9
332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaMLijn9qf
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。332Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHTTridUVD