《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeDzSUk286
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvMLsgDKvj
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxn6vVCItD
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAWtwfzIJe
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTntTlLKqJA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pC50dFsvz
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ndhFpXCaK
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmcglaYgfV
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zQT1DwUba

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JfSnoy2iY
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGOnCBKqaQ
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn1oTwKkcS
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA4qJVtGWt
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfROvgUdRjx
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR7cb1ZB7D
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wqvYcCIp2
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vmmXg9Du7
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf1L80ghXO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYvk2Cf6Ei
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLawCLBEEw

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzQwt5tOv3
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X0IVKnOMQ
咔——395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0PfuIc1nf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3xjDtDBYj
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhklXsZ29pO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpjlbpiJdw
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbB29TubwP
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69zt2d7yOs
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjJw8eUByy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJJ3ZR8wmt
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5O3I8TciA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5pCD0NMIZ
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2M59AzC6e
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUBW9hmajI
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPhC5UNsKI
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4TZupnEkW
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NMvmwUjVk
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fWufOlXq5
至少三十年。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lmhOaMerf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU85zIoLkh
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RSFAN1DBG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXDiEWJpnP
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0086QQtIV
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcIwEXG95p
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOad2eVWbri
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzdeCIMR5Y
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUR0e11rbI
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtVVwqeheH
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan8TwKO4uT
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF06e29zD1
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9SkT6iujv

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQD7DK2mwf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjlyCOlCv7
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIDO45PV7q
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55s5pk3sdG
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWA0lQtG01o
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn4wq1cN1V
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltLd8OpjYO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywE1R1poXk
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUQIuSZ9k8
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9ZaCJRhx6
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd4odmoLSF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFe19uG4it
感動退散，惡意再生。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK6wqHOQ9C
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLmuZl2eRx
缺失很多，要求更多。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnr9qiqvrli
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPzSnBHhej
缺失愛，索求愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfN5UCzuab
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpMCAeCVeW
變本加厲。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeik2chYTR6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sBkGeyYXR
理所當然。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0Uydx87Ob
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBMdXBLgl7
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQqX2MN9ZC
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZFqjPMolR
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobl0sspU9u
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVNTIRi2fT
沒有永遠的愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7PNBBrPZb
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrP11oebuC
缺失愛，索求愛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6FSACOuCZ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoSD9OivaL
鳳姐索價三百元。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPpzsDQXCo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWOaUbbrb7
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP88GYrhTx
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完事。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTi3YZ6yUy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmGY7sILIu
一切歸空。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53GkaD1GCA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3zKIF8k7F
理所當然。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqj0nfzPV0