《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkPX3pNYFe
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l3dGq3lpX
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaHafqvFr1
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附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5stG4x2NN
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登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvyHvy2QvE
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5Fj18xYeM
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuEJSiSgEc

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYG3LEL0Gq
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSehJ0GkVj
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIsEb3GyiC
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTafHGk7KBV
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw0XDNk7xY
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TwtXEsfbb
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWoSQDMQZy
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsebBCWCjgf
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHbGWeRlnm
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1d0f080W8
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqnR8zT3JK

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKUJcoRlJe
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咔——393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3h4eCAg6k
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDYNEIvemp
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SCnoyxucV
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTHwktccHC
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QML7xebDY
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAW0UfZRpI
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9joM3kxqLL
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04lytpTTZG
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VLT3zIxZd
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pk6JSgehw
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlYFufwbWN
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0ELXmGG5n
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG235nJre8m
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5bSZ5h8r5
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVKIIHjLc8
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqTwd1ppl1
至少三十年。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7gleNAYqt
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwKPQaSjtA
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB49sWUG0DR
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7saAhv2X4
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTV9EyEble
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRvQYUM17U
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1GTk8IeFD
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld3QQtTRM4
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtl6hRzIJL
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWdRvazOBO
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqmKqvPqdl
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRe3Hn9Rw4k
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8882efq4pO

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4tKed3Vpm
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFMQKlYOlD
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJO9lylaoG
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfBSmOzo2a
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmjTXEgHd6
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7fJ9xonuR
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI23KfUlRrg
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcNUHedY26
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6nmUA0LV0
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL8TXHS8Pv
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEs3WraROA
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感動退散，惡意再生。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAipFvLi9Ph
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缺失很多，要求更多。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO0PHPpu9w
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缺失愛，索求愛。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m6cOIHSp7
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變本加厲。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hrdtTeSPZ
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理所當然。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQE4K6Sgt5
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aCD2HxYCJ
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUkxAn658X
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRyjjqIXcJ
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArRTDXw8UQ
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3pxbx2Afw
沒有永遠的愛。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zjuWgHICY
393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzkE3cvb3B
缺失愛，索求愛。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3rWxs88r0
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鳳姐索價三百元。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiLb2Hizde
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她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLWhVoYVlJ
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完事。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiArWBssgBo
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一切歸空。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVQQJRB0rj
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理所當然。393Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSmsxjiWbd