/story/157655/文筆練習/issue/6
文筆練習 - 贅字刪除&修改練習 | Penana
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文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
ISSUE #6
贅字刪除&修改練習
No Plagiarism!LGAO4UmcD2F1xPjJ7FNyposted on PENANA 編輯老師:Chatgpt8964 copyright protection87PENANAUG9bBsTSqW 維尼
一.原句練習題 :8964 copyright protection87PENANA0RIOxJfPCO 維尼
她的臉上露出了一抹微笑,嘴角微微揚起,眼睛也跟著彎了起來,看起來非常開心快樂。8964 copyright protection87PENANAl5YLTLJmkA 維尼
我:91Please respect copyright.PENANAwRXRjU6BTb
8964 copyright protection87PENANAkzLkDa0RHl 維尼
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,神色顯得異常愉悅。91Please respect copyright.PENANAfLbHYDYPwv
8964 copyright protection87PENANAUcD91kbFzz 維尼
◎還能優化的點:8964 copyright protection87PENANA8eXdxmvFLg 維尼
「嘴角輕揚」、「眉眼彎彎」、「神色愉悅」,三者都在描寫開心的神情,略有重疊。可依風格選擇保留兩項即可。8964 copyright protection87PENANAXDbeLOmzIn 維尼
**「異常愉悅」**語氣稍正式,若想走柔和路線可以替換成「滿是喜色」、「帶著歡意」之類的詞。8964 copyright protection87PENANAoAmZBUsavz 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection87PENANAvErW0kQycN 維尼
範例一(簡約柔和):91Please respect copyright.PENANAs61pN4KTOu
她嘴角微揚,眉眼間滿是喜色。8964 copyright protection87PENANA8off9wMWUo 維尼
範例二(偏古風詩意):91Please respect copyright.PENANAJeclKnDTJf
她一笑,眉眼彎彎,神情恬然喜悅。8964 copyright protection87PENANAfgqqyGIKkf 維尼
範例三(保留你原本的語感,小調整):91Please respect copyright.PENANA2XvfTQIgDD
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,整個人透著歡喜。8964 copyright protection87PENANAkBDgCM4aek 維尼
二.原句練習題:8964 copyright protection87PENANAbXQEodg6EH 維尼
凌晏如站在窗邊,靜靜地站著,什麼話也沒說,只是默默地望著窗外的天空和雲朵。91Please respect copyright.PENANALugRep9iNj
8964 copyright protection87PENANAjlNq5nr3rv 維尼
我:8964 copyright protection87PENANAxTuM9sS1Vz 維尼
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,只是靜默地望著窗外冰冷皎潔的月光。91Please respect copyright.PENANAm6jaVNrCaz
8964 copyright protection87PENANATAZy7Dh6gf 維尼
◎可以優化的細節:8964 copyright protection87PENANAycKVx8bnvx 維尼
**「神色沈靜如水」**語意完整,形容恰當,可保留。8964 copyright protection87PENANAn4uzrzpYoX 維尼
**「靜默地望著」**與「神色沈靜」語義有些重疊,且「靜默」與「望」常連用,可簡化。8964 copyright protection87PENANA15fyRdFPxO 維尼
**「冰冷皎潔的月光」**畫面有,但「冰冷」與「皎潔」在語氣上可能稍有衝突:一個是觸感(冷),一個是視覺(潔白明亮),可以選其一或換句話更貼情境。8964 copyright protection87PENANAeDmeDv5feQ 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection87PENANAMoWN6wq8Yr 維尼
範例一(簡潔內斂):91Please respect copyright.PENANAMoYHVixsUW
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,凝望著窗外的月光。8964 copyright protection87PENANATvNkiri1Nd 維尼
範例二(詩意版):91Please respect copyright.PENANAoPE9resuHT
凌晏如神情澄靜,望向窗外皎潔如霜的月色。8964 copyright protection87PENANAg9cSdv5orF 維尼
範例三(保留冷感):91Please respect copyright.PENANAyUxXQM7XpO
凌晏如神色如水,靜靜凝視著窗外冰冷的月光。8964 copyright protection87PENANAaRqIRImGr6 維尼
範例四(古風柔化版):91Please respect copyright.PENANAlfsOpjPxDr
凌晏如眉目寧靜,望著窗外清冷如霜的月華。8964 copyright protection87PENANAIxy0owKelC 維尼
感想:8964 copyright protection87PENANAIa1k3yi5cG 維尼
需待持續練習~若之後有練習會再分享幾篇我與AI練習的紀錄91Please respect copyright.PENANA0BG3SIsJKW
擇選不錯的!8964 copyright protection87PENANASAEuWtQeGo 維尼
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