Hridhi Chatterjee:197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFVfXWDObP
Every time someone wanted me to reveal something about my new husband, I immediately remembered his hands. I must say, I had always looked at his hands. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY7p4Ac01q
The very first time I saw him, his chubby little hands were resting on my friend's thin ones.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuur9GMy9TO
There was something fascinating about it. You know, I had been watching it grow — from 10 to 11, to 13, to 14, and then all the way up to 18.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEdBDBhyNy
I’d recognize his hands anywhere. Even now, with strands of hair on them, tanned under the sunlight as he pretended to be good at sports.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVZ8b6RWjR
His hands signalled danger. He’d roll his sleeves up to his elbows, like one of those self-made billionaires pretending to be effortless. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxsGqAyCCP
Pretending.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNKzdaMT5E
He was so damn good at it. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaKn4KFsBs
His hands held a great power to pretend. To pretend to write while his eyes actually roamed around my drafts. To pretend to cook so that I would finally cut the vegetables for him.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxXKQ3Kywu
But still at times when I run out of topics I pretend to study, I look at his hands. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlab7UdxvWJ
I want to know what's inside it. I want to break every bone, blood vessels, and veins and cut open its flesh just to see how it cooperates with each other.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQZL4Vc06M
Maybe he had done it in his medical school. But no one had taught him for sure how those hands worked like it had a mind of its own.
On a cozy Saturday morning, my frail hands resting on his strong ones, I would have asked him questions if I was a normal wife . 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJi7MHD2Uu
Advik, how do you move your hands? How do you operate with those same fingers with delicacy and still hit hard on the drums? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahGNyfDE4t
How do your fingers crawl around my throat, looking like you would make me breathe for the last time and still, still never hurt?
Maybe a number of how’s simply cloud our marriage, like storm clouds before the rain:197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iHPTRL8iw
How can we stay together when we can't even look at each other?197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92C2FgH2ig
How do we stay under the same room and still bleed from wounds after fighting like wolves? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaGF1Kkgge
How do we pretend to be greater than each other and still fail miserably? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrLuOwHVYb
********197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq2vdwblPb
Clink197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiMj7d6k0g
Clink.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7af3xmYPe
My eyes snapped open exactly at five a.m. No clock was needed. I never used an alarm clock in my whole life. My mind was always conscious, working and working, never sparing me, never caring to pull out its gentle features. I would imagine scenes inside my head during these hours my eyes were shut down. People running, new plot threads, weaving new lies to rip my worried mum off stress. And then—197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmthQJCjbKx
Clink 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmdLAtmHzB
Clink197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KLP1iAWEr
It was time to officially drift towards consciousness and this time, into the stinky damn real thing people cared to call ‘world’. All these five hours my eyes were shut down, I never saw black. Fragments of images never forget to cloud into me. Inside my brain. Inside my heart. Inside my muscles. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrHnnKaiMk
I wouldn’t call it insomnia. I would never go to the therapist like those pathetic Americans. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LvPEzNC20
I simply learned to enjoy it. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgcNGzWcQw
I waited for nights just to start imagining things, walking back to that pathetic scene I had left out the night before, taking inspiration for my next novels, as my brain went tick-tick throughout the whole night.
My sleep was like the objects in Newton’s law of motion. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYzR182ERA
I never open my eyes until an external force is applied on me. And in my case, it might be a subtle sound, a touch, or a gentle stream of light from that one hole in my old curtain. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57Y4bJNuiX
Clink 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfroRU5sbmF
Clink197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BoobzwJgs
I got out of my bed, my lips twisted in the most disgusted expression I could master,197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6ME7HMERm
“Ring it louder, Advik—maybe He’ll finally pity you.” 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQLh2h3AX6
At that exact moment, 5:05 AM, he finally stopped playing the bell, a metallic plate landing on the topmost shelf of his room hitting hard on the concrete.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzY0uG6Bu4J
I pulled the curtains. The sun was still hidden beneath the darkness. In our surrounding apartments, people still slept, thinking that it was midnight. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsLWcd5qKc
The nearest apartment looked directly into my room. The curtains were half-closed. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOjUENOAzn
When my eyes fell on the half-naked man in the bed, he moved. And I could almost hear his girlfriend say, We were seen. We are seen. We will be seen.
I grabbed my towel, which was technically four years old, and still called it a towel because I had never found another that felt like home, and then I staggered toward the restroom.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLniWyJ9C8
I don't know why I become so tipsy in the morning. It’s not that I ever sleep. It’s not that I was desperate to sleep in on weekends. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1RPIrwDky
The bathroom door never ever felt familiar in my fingers. Even though we had been stuck here for a year, I still couldn’t figure out the switches. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmr8nEONlm
Would that be the 2nd one? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4vEFfd5Qe
No…maybe the 3rd one?197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55uatQOHJT
Fuck. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrAWH40nrA
Why are there so many switches?197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZp9dFOuMn
I clicked on all of them until the bathroom door lit up. It felt like a hotel, I must say. I grabbed the handle but it felt ice cold under my fingers. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLn3FI9a5a
Even after months, I still waited for the familiar click of my old apartment.
Advik had rented a big apartment in Manhattan, with rooms which were far too big for the both of us. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8m4zO1C8O
The tiles screamed perfection, the walls shouted cleanliness and the furniture looked so dim under the sparkle that everything felt totally out of place.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28rvaGNTXN
And I knew that he, too, couldn’t bear to care for them any less.
“You would dust the shelves,” was his first line upon arrival. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzyTp4hLwF
We got into a big fight that night. It was fair, wasn’t it? I must pay half the rent. But he wanted me to feel like those immature girls he fucked.
“Are you that keen on making me lose face in front of my parents, bitch?”197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh3L7M3voL
That night, I returned to bed with a split lip and he stormed out to grab a beer and maybe, fuck that girl after so long. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xOMTCHEYj
But still, at the end of the month, I always transferred half the rent in his bank account. It had been our first compromise: He had planned on making me the cook of the house in exchange for the rent. And as you can see, I can never ever let him do that to me. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79yB1KZnLf
It had been a tack. I catfished him under that girl’s name for weeks until I got his account number. Which was, I will add, really really easy. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygppOnJTFV
You just got to pull your cool-girl mode on.
Babe, I miss you…197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocFFXC0bhN
Oi, bae, how ya doin?197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefCJjHOTOY
All okay? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocCFLSA505
You know, I been stuck in that mall. U see, I really need this bubble tea ASAP. Can you transfer me 15 bucks or somethin’. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAdudwHo7P
Love ya. XOX.
And surprisingly, when I gave him my account number, he actually transferred me 15 bucks while I casually collected his account number like a genius.
The first time I had transferred him the rent, I had added 15 bucks along with it.
You know, he kept shouting about it for three straight months, but when I pulled my pretend-to-be-dumb act more often, he finally stopped and walked briskly back to the kitchen like a dog with its tail cut. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoG4NA9mdJ
6:00 AM.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWipA4uPQt
Now, it was time to take out the trash as always. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vmAbQ9hQX
I scooped the black polythene bag and opened the door. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXgUPqZBls
Thank God, he was not home. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKqsevYaL7
I took out a deep breath. Finally! I was free.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWjP3UYd8M
Like as free as a caged bird. Well, I wouldn’t include the smell of last night's stench along with it. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3dkAv9mo0
I was just about to return to my floor, my hand finally empty when I noticed his hands. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugJlkxtB65
They were literally his hands. Like literally. I would never lie, mind you. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiJkPNrbap
I saw his hands on that girl's waist. Her waist. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx9j20mmDV
I couldn't see his face. I couldn't see her face. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvKvI9AZds
But his familiar hands were literally on her waist. Her hands rested on his. Just like a perfect couple. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9kVUnYUa4
And I felt his eyes on me, even though I didn't see his face.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJR8SUCqTB
Pretending to be like those shocked, hurt wives who would never accept their husbands are cheating, I ran towards the elevator.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAa19lRNa0
Can't you see? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKEQtNDOEi
I was hurt. I was dejected. I was..i was..what else was that? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDS0tSMRtF
Betrayed? 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAN9ZNMyzh
When I was leaving for work, he stormed inside the living room and I noticed that his hands were now fidgety. 197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepCnL47trE
Perfect. Totally perfect. It was just the way I have always wanted.197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE8yb59z79
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and then Add to home screen.